Confessions
by iiStrawberry Lushx
Summary: Everyone who knows Admiral Xen wouldn't dare approach her in confidence. She is very straight-forward and takes what she wants. Her mannerisms are cold and brutal, but what if there is someone who can break her heart of stone? Someone like a clumsy and energetic Quarian by the name of Rina? Xen x OC
1. Chapter 1

Today was one of those days that Xen has been dreading for a very long time. It was time for the debriefing for taking back Rannoch - it had been decided after Tali's trial that they were going to fight for their homeworld.

Of course, Admiral Garrel suggested that they should take on the Geth head on in whereas Korris wanted to take the peaceful route and come up with a compromise. The admiral herself didn't care for either option, she just wants to use the Geth for their primary purpose of their creation like the Quarians of old. There were far too many options in the air, and it was clear that they were not going to come to any kind of agreement today.

"What is this tiny metal contraption?" Admiral Xen questioned the moment she laid eyes on the small robot that was sitting on the table. It was white and turquoise with big turquoise lights for eyes, it was cute in a sense. Too cute for her liking.

"Rina made it earlier. It's kinda cute, isn't it?" One of her female crew members explained to her with glee. She seemed to like whatever this thing was supposed to be.

Of course Rina made this ridiculous and useless item. She was nothing more than a child at heart; so exuberant and clumsy. Admiral Xen always had a migraine whenever that little lady was around. There was something about her that made her feel provoked, and although the cold admiral would never admit this out loud - there was something refreshing about her optimism and endless energy.

"Keelah! I'm sorry I'm late, Admiral!" As if it were on cue, Rina entered the operation room apologizing for her absence. Her voice was calm and serene like always, she never once raised her voice or anything of the sort. Being around Rina was like a human trying to describe a warm sunny day at the beach. Not only was it an odd idea for Xen in general to think of another person in such a warm light, it brought a new feeling to her that she couldn't describe in a short conversation. That was the most frustrating part for the confused admiral.

"Rina," Xen spoke the woman's name as she crossed her arms over her chest clearly not pleased with her late attendance, "what is this silly thing that you wasted your time building?" she cut straight to the chase with the robot.

"Oh! That's gizmo," Rina explained picking up the robot in her hands as if to apologize for leaving it there with the others. Now that Xen was paying close attention, she noticed that the little robot's design matched Rina's enviro-suit design. Same color scheme, same everything. How could she have not noticed it before?

"You know that we are not allowed to have robots on the ship, right? It could be mistaken for a geth." Admiral Xen was kind enough to inform the rules of the migrant fleet. She shouldn't have to though since Rina was born into the crew and should have known better.

Rina was quick to nod her head, though her blue face mask covering over her features made it difficult to tell what she was thinking. "I understand that, but it's not an artificial intelligence or even a virtual intelligence. It's just a robot that moves with the help of a controller, like the ones that human children play with." She calmly explained as she held the little robot in her arms tightly like a child, "It's completely harmless, I swear. I'll keep it out of sight if I have to." She was pleading to keep the worthless object. What for anyways?

Admiral Xen would have gladly accepted the contraption if it was a geth, she could dissect it and use it for study. She was clearly not happy with Rina wanting to keep the stupid thing, but she didn't feel comfortable saying no to her. It felt like kicking a sweet little puppy to the curb with her, normally Xen wouldn't care about such a thing. But with Rina it was a completely different feeling with her, "Keep it out of sight. No one else must ever see it. Do you understand?" she questioned.

"Of course. Thank you so much. I'll put it away right now." Rina beamed, she was quick to wrap the robot up in an idle piece of cloth before leaving to put it away back in her room.

"That was nice of you." The same female crew member from before commented with a playful tone. She was a friend, not a very close one, but close enough to be brave enough to make such a foolish comment in front of the Admiral.

"Back to work, Lira. We have much to learn about the Geth before we head to Rannoch." Xen was quick to dismiss the previous comment. She didn't want to acknowledge the fact that she was lenient with a crew mate for the very first time ever. Xen didn't want anyone to hear of this, she wouldn't be able to live it down.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the second chapter of confessions! Please enjoy~**

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It was another dreadful day in the war room. Both Han'Garrel and Shala'Raan were arguing over which route they should take on Rannoch. Honestly, to Xen, it was too early to make such a fuss over tactics when they weren't even debriefed on the state of the planet yet. Garrel wants to eliminate everything in their way while Raan was more worried about the staggering death rate it would cause.

"Don't you understand what this is about? The more of those synthetic bastards we kill, the less we have to worry about." Garrel didn't seem to care about the safety of their fleet. He was more worried about getting his revenge.

"What about the safety of the fleet? We cannot put our live ships or civilians in danger. What would be the point of getting Rannoch back with more than half of our crews dead?" Raan's point was valid, albiet a little naïve and foolish. People were going to die anyways, regardless of which route they decide to take.

"Admiral Garrel," Hearing the familiar soft-spoken voice, Xen turned over to see Rina raising her hand to get Garrel's attention, "Admiral Raan does have a point. Shouldn't we be more careful with our ships? What if it doesn't work and we get s-"

"It will work. That's why we're having this discussion now," Garrel was quick to dismiss Rina's intervention and toss it aside like garbage, "I still say that we charge with the frontal attack, they won't be expecting that from us." He stated.

It figures that there wouldn't be anyone to put this bastard in his place. Xen didn't particularly care for the way he treated Rina either; she was just trying to help and the old man got his suit panties in a twist. While the twenty-two year old girl was foolish and too naïve for this war, she didn't need to take his bullshit either.

"I say we wait for Tali to get here, she has a better insight on the geth than any of us do," Raan explained to Garrel as she pressed her finger on the small red button to shut off the halo graphics of their floor plan, much to the admiral's disapproval. Though, Garrel didn't seem to worried about Tali's opinion since he was probably assuming that she was going to back him up after he backed her up at her trial. What a fool.

When the meeting was finally over with for the time being, Xen noticed Rina following her out of the debriefing room. She instantly stopped dead in her tracks and turned her head to face the young girl, "I'll assume that you're following me for a reason? What do you want?" The admiral was direct with her question, she didn't want to deal with anymore headaches for the rest of the day.

"I didn't mean to offend the Admiral by any means," Rina addressed the issue with Xen as if she was a longtime friend of hers. They were only shipmates, she became part of the special projects crew after her pilgrimage.

Rina was only gone for a month and a half before returning with a geth memory core, it was unknown how she found it. In fact, she didn't say anything about her pilgrimage. She handed the core to Xen knowing that she would accept the core and let her join. It was useful for the most part, but it wasn't as detailed as she would have liked.

Xen watched as Rina twiddled her fingers together nervously as she was trying to piece together the right words. She was too sensitive. The admiral was too brash and straightforward to be comforting to her in any kind of manner, "I wouldn't take it personal. The aging warship can't seem to handle criticism of any sort. Whether good or ill." She explained matter-of-factly, using her own nickname for the bastard.

"What do you think we should do? I don't want anyone to die." Rina questioned moving closer to Xen so the others wouldn't be able to hear them. It was probably due to her fear of Admiral Garrel coming around. He has that effect on many of the younger members of the crew.

"It doesn't matter. People are going to die, it's a fact." There goes the cynical side coming out to show it's true colors, "All that matters is getting back what belongs to us. The geth were created to serve their masters, nothing more nothing less." It's true that Xen only cared about the synthetics. In her mind, there was no other meaning to life that didn't revolve around science. That's all it was to her, nothing more nothing less.

Rina remained still for a few seconds as if she was trying to process the harsh words. She still didn't seem to understand the way that the world works or maybe she did and she was trying to convince herself otherwise. There was no place for her in this war if she honestly believed that there wouldn't be any causalities, Xen didn't want to be the one to see her die because of her stupidity.

Before Xen could turn back around to leave that was when Rina finally spoke up, "It doesn't have to be that way. You can't tell me that you would be fine seeing someone you care about die? Regardless of what they say about you, Xen, I know that you couldn't go unbothered by losing everything that you love." She shot back, still remaining calm and serene. It wasn't like Rina to ever raise her voice, that would be impossible.

"If you believe that, than you are more foolish than I would have thought possible." Xen didn't turn to face Rina knowing that she just kicked that sweet puppy in the face. She isn't an idiot, she knows what is said behind her back by the others. Heartless being the kindest of the words that were spoken, it didn't bother her one bit that they felt that way. The only thing that honestly hurt was the fact that Rina made her address what was being said, that she knew what the others were saying.

It was quiet and there was the thick tension that was cutting through the air. Xen was the first to speak up this time, "I suggest you stop trying to play war and start thinking of an escape plan. You're gonna be the first one to die with that foolish train of thought." She spoke rather bluntly before leaving Rina to head back to her quarters.

In that very moment, Xen was greatful about her face being shielded from the others and they couldn't see the pain distorting her features. It had to be said. She needed to say it, but it shouldn't hurt this bad.

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 **There is more to come! Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here is chapter three of confessions! Please enjoy~**

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The next day, Xen received a call from Tali who was waiting for her in the special projects lab. She was finished strategizing the plan for Rannoch and she was ready to move onto the next plan – the weapons. Tali informed Xen that she found some interesting pieces on her way back to the fleet that could help them determine what kind of weapons they can invent to improve their chances on destroying the geth.

When Xen enter her lab, she found Tali standing near the desk with a male Quarian already looking over the weapon schematics. She wasn't surprised that they started without her, the rest of her scientist where here – all except for Rina. Xen was hoping that she was only running late and that she wasn't going to skip it because of what happened yesterday, "Who is this supposed to be?" she returned back to the matter at hand, asking about the man who accompanied Tali to her lab.

"This is Casin'Zeegar, he is the schematic expert that Raan told me to bring along." Tali introduced the man who was dressed in the red and white enviro-suit.

"The pleasure is mine, Admiral." The man named Casin gave her a curt nod, he seemed to be decent at the least.

Xen returned the nod before getting straight to the point of this meeting, "So what do we have here?" she was talking about the blue prints that were neatly laid out on the table.

Tali lifted up a brown cardboard box from the ground and placed it on the desk, "Geth pieces. Don't worry I got the permission from the admiralty board and they checked through everything this time." She stated letting them know that she wasn't going to be making the same mistake that she did before.

Xen leaned her body over to examine the pieces that were in the box closely to see what she had brought in. Nothing too interesting, just scrambled bits and pieces. This was disappointing, Xen was honestly hoping that she would be able to get something that they could actually use, "This is garbage, why did you think to bring this here?" she was blunt in her approach, she doesn't have any time to waste when it came to the geth.

"All of these pieces need to be examined so that we can figure out the weapons to use against them. Like what can fry their sensors and such." Tali explained as if it were basic science that Xen didn't know anything about.

"If you are going to be using my lab, you had better come up with something good." Xen warned the both of them wanting them to come up with good results.

Tali nodded her head before looking around the room to see if she could find a certain someone, "Where is Rina? I was hoping that she could give us a hand with building these weapons." She questioned the young woman's whereabouts.

Xen could feel her sharp teeth bit down into her bottom lip at the mention of the sweet girl who was missing from her lab. She still felt terrible for what she said to her yesterday, she couldn't get any sleep last night because all she could do was replay everything in her head every time she closed her eyes. Xen couldn't even bare to imagine how Rina must have felt when she said those harsh things to her, "Who knows. She's always late coming here." She stated, staring at the schematics to distract herself from Tali's concern over the young scientist.

"Keelah, sorry I'm late again," Xen's eyes were ripped from the schematics the moment she heard that serene voice and found Rina standing by the door, "hello Tali and hello to you too, sir." She gave them both a respectful bow.

Rina seemed to be back to her cheerful and buoyant self. It was a mystery how she managed to dump out all of the negative things in her life and stay so happy all the time, "Hello admiral." Xen was yanked out of her thoughts when Rina greeted her as well. It wasn't something that she was expecting from her, she was expecting to be ignored to be honest.

"Rina," Xen acknowledged the woman's presence as she folded her arms over her chest acting as if nothing happened the day before.

Tali stepped in to introduce the new addition of the team, "Rina, this is Casin. I want you to work with him on the weapon schematics while Xen and I examine the geth parts." She motioned her hand over to the new guy.

"Hello Rina." Casin greeted her in a friendly manner before motioning her over to the table to look at the blue prints.

"Right." Rina chirped as she walked over to the table where Casin was looking at the blue prints and joined him.

"Let's get to those geth pieces." Tali told Xen, forcing her attention from the two who were working on the weapon schematics. They seemed to be getting awfully chummy.

It was hard for Xen to focus on the debriefing with all of the laughter going on a few feet away from them. It was the sound of Rina's laughter, this guy was actually making her laugh. The woman turned over to look at the two who seemed to be deep in conversation, and she had a feeling that it wasn't just the schematics they were talking about.

" _It's hard to focus with all of that damn laughing!"_ Xen was aware of her rising anger and assumed that it was because they didn't seem to be taking this issue very seriously. Though, it was obvious that Casin and Rina were working very hard on building the schematics, Xen didn't like the other things that were going on over there. They were getting far too friendly for her liking, although no one else around her seemed to care or be bothered by it. It was only Xen who was getting visibly irritated by it.

"Admiral," Tali called out to her to get her attention back from the two, "what were you going to say?" she was talking about the pieces.

"Oh right." Xen tore her eyes away from the irritating scene and went back on with the project they were working on, "it looks like the pieces were burned by some sort of boiling materials. Incendiary ammo, to be precise." She mused pointing out the pieces burned by gun powder.

Xen needed to keep herself distracted from the scene going on in front of her. She couldn't get distracted now, not because of Rina.

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 **Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and there will be more to come!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Here is the fourth chapter of 'Confessions'! A big thank you to everyone who is following and reading along with the story. Let me know if you have any feedback or anything. Thank you so much and please enjoy this chapter!**

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The next few days had been very difficult for the cold-hearted Admiral. While the weapons and the firepower were marvelous, there was something that has been eating at her for a while now. During the debriefing, whenever she would glance over to the weapon techs, she would see them conversing and going on about something that seemed interesting. The one thing that bothered her more than the constant conversing was when she saw Casin place his hand on top of Rina's. That was when she was able to confirm the relationship with those two, and she hasn't been the same since then.

"Admiral?" The sound of Tali's voice brought Xen out of her thoughts with a quick nudge on her shoulder, "is there anything you would like to add?" she asked motioning her head over to the weapon techs presenting their pieces.

Xen's gaze followed Tali's head motion and she found both Rina and Casin standing up front waiting patiently for her feedback, "No, nothing to add right now." She stated dismissing any important facts that could easily go wrong. She wasn't in the mind frame for this sort of thing, she couldn't bring herself to concentrate on anything else with this 'happy' couple standing in front of her.

"Thank you, Admiral." Rina chirped bowing her head respectfully, beaming from Xen's approval. She must have been expecting a cold critique and lecture from the admiral since she known to take such extremes with her crew. Not right now, Xen couldn't dissect the weapons piece by piece and criticize their hard work on every single piece they got wrong.

Xen slowly nodded her head noting how happy Rina was; it could have been from Casin or their creations, or both. Still, regardless of the reason for her joy, it still made the Admiral cringe to see her so happy. "I-I'm going to write a log for the rest of the admiralty board. Dismissed for now." She cleared the scientists from the lab to continue the rest of her research.

That didn't stop her from noticing Casin reaching out to take Rina's hand in his own on their way out of the room. Xen bit down on her lip as she watched the scene play on in front of her as she snatched the pen from the table and ripped her gaze from the new couple to concentrate on her work, _"Xen, snap out of it and get back to work!"_ she gave herself a mental kick and glared down at the blank sheet of paper before her.

"How are the weapons?" Xen glanced up to see Admiral Raan suddenly standing before her, "Did you come up with anything for the geth?" she took the open chair next to Xen without an invitation.

It was normal for Raan to do such things, to quietly enter the room and pop up on people without any warning. Xen pointed over to the weapons that were carefully laid out on the table, "Over there. I'm writing the report out right now and then I'll lock them away." She informed scribbling down the words on the paper.

"Did something happen?" Raan was the first one to ask her that, instantly noticing from the way that Xen was scribbling down on the paper desperately trying to find the words to come in mind. It was obvious that she wasn't in the right mind.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?" Xen wasn't going to completely dismiss Raan's concern for her well-being, she was an old friend and Xen didn't have too many of those.

"You just seem…out of it. Normally you're more collected." The eldest admiral pointed it out to her matter-of-factly. Raan was older by a decade, Admiral Xen was nearing the age of thirty-four this year much to everyone's surprise. Most would assume that she was near the age of Shala'Rann since she was more mature than most of Admiral's in charge of the fleet, but she was in fact the youngest.

"I'm just tired. These are tiring days, I'm coping though." It was a lie and judging from Raan's silence, she could tell that it was too. Even when Xen was tired, she was still very detailed and thorough in her work. There was more to it than she was leding on.

"Alright. Let me know if you need anything, though." Raan backed off knowing that she couldn't keep pressing Xen and that she wasn't going to be truthful with her feelings. It was eerily quiet when the eldest admiral left the room and left Xen only with her thoughts.

While it took Xen a while to regain her thoughts to fill out the report, she managed to get it all done within a few hours. She locked up the weapons in her safe before heading out of her lab and back over to her personal quarters to work out her thoughts, _"I probably just need some sleep and I'll be fine."_ She reassured herself that she just needed a short nap to feel better.

On the way, Xen found Rina and Casin standing in the hallway and Rina seemed to be showing Casin and Tali a video on her omni-tool. It featured a bunch of different colored lights blowing up in the sky like sources of dark energy exploding, "These are called 'fireworks'. Aren't they pretty, I've always wanted to see them in person." Rina explained to the both of them with enthusiasm.

"I heard about these, I heard that it's a custom only on Earth. The humans only use them on Independence day." Tali explained seeming to be interested in human culture after her human friend got her off the hook all those months ago in her trial.

"Yes that's right! It seems humans always have the best things." Rina stated, sounding enlightened like watching a bunch of exploding lights was really that impressive.

"What is the deal with you and humans, Rina?" Casin questioned, his tone of voice made him sound like he was amused by this silly girl's train of thought.

"There is no deal, I just envy them. They don't have to wear these suits and they can do all the things that we can't without having to worry about getting sick or getting infections." Rina sounded very sad about that, she didn't seem to be a fan of the enviro-suits. She was very different from the rest of the Quarian's that Xen has encountered over the many years of being an admiral. There was just something about Rina that was different from the rest.

Xen ignored the strange feelings surging through her chest at the sight of the young girl and headed onwards, wanting to rid herself of the pain and frustration this foolish girl was causing.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here is chapter five of 'confessions'! Thank you for waiting patiently, I do hope it was worth the wait and let me know any feedback that you may have. Please enjoy~**

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The long days of having to deal with the silly love bird weapon techs were finally over now. The weapons were invented and locked away, and the battle strategies were planned out. The only thing they needed to do now was wait for Admiral Garrel's permission to head to the Perseus veil to start the raid. Admiral still believed that it was a foolish plan because she knows better than anyone that there was no way they can do it on their own without outside help.

"Something strange is going on..." Tali whispered as she began playing with the button's on the radio in front of her. Since her friend was taken away by the Alliance, she's been using the radio as her only way to receive updates on Shepard's status.

"What is it?" Admiral Xen inquired, placing her hand on top of her helmet as a way to hold herself up without making her weakened condition known. She hasn't been feeling very well lately, her body was started to feel hot and she hasn't been getting any sleep. It was probably an airborne virus that swept through the fleet without anyone's acknowledgement.

Tali continued surfing through the channels for any possible updates, "All of the channels are cutting out and I can't hear anything..that's never happened before." She stated.

"Or maybe you're radio is a piece of garbage." Xen mused ignoring the feeling of shakiness that was starting to take over the same arm that was holding her head up.

Tali didn't respond when she noticed that there was something going on with the Admiral, "Are you feeling okay, Admiral?" she questioned rushing over to the woman's side the moment she noticed her arm shaking.

"I'm fine…just…ugh…leave me alone." Admiral Xen tried to wave the young woman away to no avail, instead she just fell on the table unable to keep herself up.

"No you're not. You need to see the Doctor right away!" Tali exclaimed taking the Admiral's arm to carefully hoist her up and wrapped it around her neck to support her weight. She needed to escort her to Elan'Shiya's office before her condition gets any worse.

Being the stubborn person that Xen was, she was trying to fight Tali off so she could continue on with her work. Sadly, she didn't have the strength to do so as she was being led along, "I...I'm okay…just let me go." She whispered feeling dizzy the more they walked on. Xen should've known better and got checked out the moment she started feeling this way, she shouldn't have carried on like this knowing that it was a possible death sentence waiting for her.

Dr. Elan'Shiya was the first person to greet them the moment they walked into her small office, "Is there something wrong with the Admiral?" she immediately recognized that it was Xen since she was known to be quite the fighter when she was sick.

Tali led Xen to the bed to make her lay down before she could fall over and hurt herself again, "She's not feeling well and she doesn't have any strength to hold herself up." She informed stepping out of the way so the doctor could examine her.

Laying down on the bed, Xen tried to force herself to stay awake, however the fatigue and exhuastion were finally catching up to her, "Ugh..not now..I need to stay awake. I need to-" her vision was start to blur and before she knew it, she was out like a light.

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" _She seems to be exhausted. Both mentally and physically, and she hasn't really been eating or sleeping either not to mention she's running a fever. She needs to rest for a while, and then she'll be fine."_

Xen was laying in the patient bed glaring down at the IV tube that was penetrated in her bare arm. Elan'Shiya had her take off her enviro-suit so that she can be treated and restore her fluids from her lack of food and water. Running her bare fingers through her dark locks was an odd feeling for Xen, it wasn't something that she was used to doing and more than anything she wanted her suit back on.

"How are you feeling, Admiral?" A voice broke the silence in the room and Xen was surprised to find that it was Rina who entered the room unannounced.

The thought of being seen without her enviro-suit crossed her mind, and Xen didn't want to be seen this way, especially by Rina. There was no way she could hide from it though, there was nothing she could do to hide it either, "You do know that you shouldn't enter the room when a patient is unmasked and is being treated by the decontamination filter, are you trying to kill me with open air exposure?" Naturally, Xen went straight for the throat. This time the reason being that she wasn't comfortable with the prying eyes on her exposed face and body.

Of course, Rina didn't realize that she did put the Admiral in danger by contaminating the decontamination filters until it was brought to her attention. What made it all the more curious for Xen was that Rina was a quarian who hasn't been killed by her idiotic and reckless actions by now, "Oh! I'm sorry, should I go get the doctor?" she questioned, clearly baffled by her own thoughtless action.

"Don't bother. What do you need from me?" Xen questioned trying to ignore her obvious discomfort as she sat up from the examination bed and veered her illuminant eyes to Rina. This time, Rina could make out the admiral's feelings through her facial expressions, so she would have to be very careful with projecting now that she can be seen.

Rina was quick to shake her head and clasped her hands together, "I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and to see if you wanted anything to eat. I heard from Tali that you haven't been eating, so I'm here to force you..so to speak." She was nervous, Xen instantly noted from Rina's awkward body movements and the way she was fiddling with the tube of nutrient paste she brought along with her.

"Interesting. I should have known better than to let her take care of me," Xen scoffed feeling more anger than discomfort at this point. That was something Tali should have kept to herself, now everyone was going to treat her like a fragile doll who can't take care of herself. At the mention of food though, Xen could both feel and hear her stomach growling for food since she's been neglecting it for a while, "Fine. Bring me some and then leave me be." The Admiral demanded, not really in the mood for any company.

Rina's mood instantly brightened up when her offer was accepted and she walked over to hand the tube over to the admiral, "Here you go, ma'am. I hope this helps." She beamed, clearly happy that she wasn't rejected and sent away. Just like a puppy, Xen thought.

Xen was uneasy when she felt her heart pounding in her chest when Rina approached, she was certain that it could be heard since she didn't have her enviro-suit on to protect her. She was careful to not bite down on her lips since it could be seen at this point as she reached over to take the nutrient tube, "You may go." She dismissed the younger woman, being careful with her facial expression now that they could be seen.

"Right." Rina bowed her head respectfully before heading to the door to dismiss herself but not before saying one more thing, "Before I go, one more thing. You are very pretty, ma'am, like marble if I do say so myself." Rina complimented the admiral before leaving the room for good this time.

That unexpected compliment didn't help the Admiral's uneasiness or racing heart. She thought she was going to have a heart attack with how fast her heart was pounding. Xen waited the next few minutes before bravely sitting up to glance into the mirror that was place on the wall and scoffed at the sight. Ashen skin. Black vein marks all over her skin. Glowing eyes. Long brown hair. That Rina was out of her mind, she had to be.

Xen moved away from the mirror before veering down at the food tube she was holding, "Stupid." She mumbled as she peeled it open with her bare fingers to feed herself. That Rina was definitely trouble, she keeps doing stupid things and making her heart flutter. It must be because Xen couldn't stand the sight of her, it has to mean that.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here is the sixth chapter! Please enjoy and leave any feedback you may have~ A big thank you to everyone who is following along, I appreciate your support.**

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Recovering after the battle with the infection was one of the most difficult things for the Admiral to go through. Not only did the rest of her personal crew treat her like a reckless child, the admirals forbade her from further meetings due to her terrible health. More than anyone, it was Raan who enforced this rule, not wanting to see her friend deteriorate over time. Instead Raan made it to where Xen could only read over the blue prints and battle strategy. A fool's job, Xen thought bitterly as she flipped through the manual.

Sadly, being excluded from all activity wasn't the worst part. Rina was beginning to haunt both Xen's sleeping hours and waking hours equally. She was always coming around to check on her boss to see if she needed anything, sometimes Zorris tagged along and sometimes he didn't. Normally Xen wouldn't have been so bothered like this about her fellow scientists checking up on her, but the fact that it was Rina every time infuriated her.

The foolish girl couldn't take 'no' for an answer and insisted on helping her with everything like Xen wasn't capable of doing anything on her own. Not only was it insulting, but Xen couldn't stand being coerced into being someone else's burden. Right now, everyone was treating her like a huge burden and it didn't help with Rina exacerbating it either.

"Admiral?" Speak of the devil who was standing right in front of the door.

Xen didn't bother turning her head to her crewmate's direction and continued pretending that she was focused on her work, "What is it now?" she questioned mustering up an irritated façade. Of course she truly was frustrated with this young girl to no end, but not in the way that she wanted to be.

Rina remained standing by the door stop after noting the admiral's clear annoyance by her presence, "Tali still cannot reach any communication with the Alliance or even Shepard for that matter. All the stations off Earth are off air and she said that that's not normal. She's terrified, but she won't tell me why that is." She stated crossing her arms to probably relieve herself from any awkward tension that was building up in the room.

"And why would this concern me?" Xen questioned coldly, still not bothering to give Rina her undivided attention.

"Did I do something wrong? I didn't do anything to upset you, did I?" Rina could immediately tell that she was no longer welcome in the admiral's presence, for the first time, Xen didn't have to speak it aloud.

"You're finally catching on? That's a first." Xen spat slamming the manual on the table and standing up to her feet with her hands slammed down on the table, "Didn't I tell you to leave me be the moment you walked in Elan'Shiya's office that day? Why did you come back and continue to pester me for? Can you not tell when you're not wanted?!" The Admiral couldn't put a lid on the temper that flared out due to Rina's mere presence. Whatever Xen was feeling for that stupid girl was starting to slowly enthrall her, Rina was beginning to consume all of her thoughts and she didn't know how to make it stop.

The young woman didn't say anything as Xen moved in closer to drill her, "You're a brilliant tech, one of the best I have ever seen but you waste your time on foolish useless things. Like Zorris, for instance, do you truly believe he is always going to be there for you? No, he's not and I'm going to tell you why. He's either going to die in this war or he's going to eventually leave because good things never last. You're going to die in this war because you're too damn naïve, you want to believe the good in everyone and everything, foolish thoughts that get a person killed. You should know better but you don't." The admiral went on.

Rina raised her hand to speak, she probably wanted to either defend her boyfriend or question why it was that the admiral felt that way. Knowing her weak stance, it was probably the latter option that she was going to go for.

"No, I'm not finished," Xen was quick to dismiss her attempt to speak and continued on with her drilling, "And the other answer is a no as well, you did not do anything to upset me. If you did, that would indicate that I care for you and I do not. Stop coming around me, I don't want anything more to do with you and I'm sure the rest of the crew feel the same way. It certainly didn't stop your mother, now did it?" That last sentence was one that would have been better off unsaid. There was a thin line in every conversation that should not be crossed, and Xen managed to cross it without any problem. If there was anything that could kill her, it was Rina's reaction when her mother was mentioned.

The young girl stood there silently as the words of her mother were being processed, Xen had never seen someone remain so calm after being scolded in such a manner. Instead, Rina's hand slowly moved up to her blue face mask before removing it, and there was such a beautiful face underneath. It was very similar to Xen's, except the only difference was that the skin was paler than ashen colored. But still, it was such a beautiful face black veins included and all.

The big bright glowing eyes staring back at Xen made her feel extremely uneasy the moment they began to water, "No, it didn't." Rina whispered with a broken voice as bright red strands began to fall from her helmet and onto her face. Red hair, Xen was the first to note that she has never seen a quarian with red hair before. It was almost as rare as seeing blonde on humans, such a thing could never happen, could it?

Xen tried her best to keep her strong uncaring stance as she watched the warm tears strolling down Rina's porcelain cheeks, "You do know that you can get an infection, right? Why would you do-?!"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you." Rina cut her off this time leaving the room before Xen could even finish what she was about to say. It must have been for a good reason since Rina wasn't known to do such things like that, especially with her superiors.

"Damn it…" Xen cursed letting out another frustrated sigh as she slapped her hand on the table. Why did she have to say such a stupid thing, she should have known better than to say something that was beneath her. It was common for Quarian children to grow up without any parents, Xen was no different from Rina in that case. Her parents were taken by airborne viruses that swept through the fleet a long time ago, and she didn't mind not having them around. She grew up around engines and formed greater bonds with them than she did with her own kind. Rina was a different case though, she was abandoned due to her mother's carelessness and was desperate for attention. Xen should have known better than to bring it up, and the pain that distorted Rina's soft features made it apparent that it broke her heart all over again.

Feeling her hand shake, Xen took a deep break as she rested her head down in her palm to hold herself up. It was for her own good, she needed to become strong. Or at least that's what Xen wanted to force herself to believe, that it was for Rina's own good.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Here is chapter seven~ I hope it is a good read and please give any feedback that you may have. Hopefully I'll be able to get to the next chapter very soon, but please enjoy this one in the meantime.**

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What in Keelah's name were the reapers? Xen couldn't bring herself to believe the footage that Tali showed her from back Earth. The feeds showed the planet of humans in ruins with all of the citizens running and screaming all around with giant red lasers shooting across all the streets at the people fleeing for their lives. This sort of thing couldn't be real, could it?

"These giant bugs call themselves the reapers," Tali stated as the video feed continued playing on her omni-tool, "Shepard warned the council about them, she warned _everyone_ about them and they wouldn't listen." She sounded very sad about that. It was like she hasn't seen a whole planet being taken over by synthetics even after hearing about Rannoch being stolen from the Quarians. Seeing it must have been very different from hearing it from the ones who were not there to witness it first-hand.

"Of course. Who in their right mind would believe in something like this?" Xen scoffed folding her arms over her chest boredly. Although, she had to admit that these reaper creatures were very interesting, they could turn all forms into grotesque evil creatures like them. They were definitely a threat to be dealt with, the humans would have their hands full with these synthetics.

"I really hope that Shepard made it out alive, I can't bear to think of what would happen if she hadn't." Tali whispered, though she was still loud enough for Xen to hear her clear as day.

Xen shrugged her shoulders as she leaned her back into the chair and crossed one leg over the other, "Look at the video, I doubt she did. They are shooting lasers at all of the moving air planes and making them crash," Xen was quick to point out only to see Tali let out a sigh and move her head down as if she were sad, "does that human really mean so much to you?" Xen scoffed finding it difficult to understand the Tali'Zorah's devastated state.

"Yes, she does." Tali didn't even hesitate to answer her question as if she were already expecting to hear it from the cold-hearted Xen, "She's always been there for me since the day I met her. I didn't know what to do after the day she died, so I wanted to stay strong and find some way to move on and make her proud. I was so happy when I found out that they brought her back to life and eventually went back to join her the moment I could. After all that she has done for me, Shepard's been one of the closest friends I've ever had. Though, sometimes it feels like she isn't just my friend like she's more." That was a brave confession coming from Rael'Zorah's daughter, and the man probably would have turned over his grave had he heard the confession himself.

"Do you normally feel this way towards women?" Xen questioned curiously, though she didn't understand why she was so curious about this sort of thing. Tali and her relationships didn't hold any meaning to Xen, but she was still wanting to know more nonetheless

"Never, it's just different with Shepard and it could mean many different things. But honestly, I think it's only pointing in one direction out of all of them. And that scares me." Tali confessed, she was probably finding it strange that Xen was so interested in her personal affairs and that she was sharing this kind of thing with her in the first. What in the world is going on?

"Interesting. And how would you know?" Xen questioned directly figuring that there wasn't any way to know what that sort of feeling would be.

Tali shrugged her shoulders as she turned off the video feed, unable to bring herself to watch anymore of it. "It's pretty obvious, any person who remains on your mind both when you're awake and sleeping holds special meaning. Especially when you dream of them, all you want to do is hold them and when they show interest in someone else, it breaks you." Tali explained solemnly, almost as if she was experiencing this sort of thing herself.

For the first time, Xen didn't have any snarky come backs or anything rude to see. She felt as if someone could see right through her like she was transparent or so obvious to see. It could have been the fact that she was surprised that someone picked up her feelings so easily or that she wasn't the only one going through the frustrating feelings that made her want to rip her hair out.

"Seems like you might understand how it feels, normally you're so judgmental about these kinds of things. You would shoot me down in a second otherwise for even mentioning these kinds of things." Tali pointed out, catching Xen completely off-guard with the accurate accusation.

"Of course a simple minded person such as yourself would come up with such foolish accusations." The admiral stood up to leave the company before stopping dead in her tracks when Tali called to her one more time.

"Admiral, Rina has come down with an infection due to open air exposure and she is very upset about something. I told her about Earth so it could be that, but I think it has to do with something else." Tali informed the admiral who didn't bother to face her. What made her bring that up all of a sudden?

It's been a few weeks since Xen saw Rina, the last time they spoke when Xen went off on her for absolutely no reason at all. She didn't have any intention to hurt Rina's feelings like that, she didn't mean to fly off the handle in that way since she normally remained calm and collected in those situations. Being one of the Admirals, Xen has had her fair share of conflicts with some of the crew members, and she never acted that way. Maybe it was as Tali said, maybe there was more going on with Xen than she thought? It wasn't a feeling of hate after all, it was the exact opposite and it gave her the most disgusting feeling. This sort of thing was beneath her, why would she fall victim to it in the first place.

"Why would anything with Rina be a concern to me?" Xen questioned, keeping her back to Tali clearly not wanting to be read any more than she already had.

"Because…you're not the same cold-hearted Admiral Xen that I had the displeasure of meeting at my trial. Rina wasn't here at the time, but you've been acting different since the day I came back and it's mainly when she's around. You're losing your touch…or maybe you're becoming a different person. Whatever the reason, I know you would want to be there for her." Tali stated, reading Xen off once more much to her annoyance.

Damn, she was right. Xen bit down on her bottom lip as she was read over again, and she despised the fact that Tali was the only one who could get it right. Not even Xen's closest confidents could come up with such a conclusion, so why was it that Tali could?

"She's in Elan'Shiya's office if you decide that you're ready to throw away you're pride and admit your true feelings." Tali stated, standing up to leave the lab as well giving the admiral one last look on her way out.

 _Admit my feelings? What a foolish waste of time!_

Still, Xen found herself walking in the direction of the Doctor's office, not really sure of what to expect. She didn't think it would be possible for Rina to remain sick for so long like this the day she took off her mask. Right now, Xen wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to pay her a visit since she was kind of the one who put her in there in the first place.

 _Just check on her and leave before anyone notices._ Xen thought, hoping that Rina would be asleep and no one else will catch her doing something stupid like this.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Here is the eighth chapter of Confessions. I hope you like it and give me any feedback that you may have.**

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 _Don't be stupid. You're just gonna give a quick friendly check-up and get back to work._

Xen tried her best to muster any courage that she had left in her at that moment. It wasn't so much of what other people would say or think, it was only the idea of facing Rina after everything that went down between them. Tali mentioned that she has an infection from open air exposure and Xen knew that it was because she took off her mask when she was upset with her. Even then, when Rina didn't have any reason to be, she still said that she was _sorry._ That was probably what killed the admiral the most, was the girl's kindness.

Finally finding the strength to move forward, Xen slowly opened the door to peer inside the doctor's office. Luckily, Elan'Shiyah wasn't in at the moment to pester her with pointless questions and she wouldn't have to worry about answering them. That was when she saw the unmasked Rina, laying down on the bed with IV's penetrated in her arm. Xen cursed herself at the sight, she should have known better than to expose her sick crewmate to contamination when she was unmasked and already being treated.

Rina's dark red locks were messy and her skin was ashen gray, similar to Xen's except her skin was only that way due to the sickness. Had Xen not seen her face a few weeks prior, she probably wouldn't be able to recognize her in this state. Still, she was unbelievably gorgeous even when she was in her worst state, it was nearly impossible for Xen to not feel jealous when looking at her like that.

Without any warning, the redhead turned her head to see who it was that entered the room and her glowing eyes locked on Xen, "Admiral?" Rina's voice was soft as she slowly sat up in the bed to look at her with a frazzled expression.

For a second, Xen was speechless the moment Rina acknowledged her and remained quiet as if she was trying to piece together something convincing to say. Normally she was more collected and knew exactly what to say in situations like this one, however she was too dumbfounded to say anything. _Just wanted to check on you?_ No, too sappy and to straight to the point. That would imply that she cared more than she was willing to lead on. _I'm sorry for everything I've done._ Now that one would be completely out of her character. Xen was not one to apologize for anything whether if something was her fault or not, she found it pointless to feel guilty about anything. It was a waste of time, and now she knew that for a fact.

"Where have you been? And why didn't you tell me you were this sick?" The cold-hearted admiral demanded to know as she crossed her arms over her torso.

Rina bit down on her lip as she laid back down and turned to look away from her boss, "No reason…I just couldn't face you. After all, you told me not to come near you anymore." Her tone of voice was a hush whisper, though Xen could understand her perfectly.

Well, she certainly didn't hesitate to bring that one up. Xen didn't know how she respond or what she should say to get away from that topic. She did tell her to leave her alone, that part was true and she felt like they were the right choice at the time. Rina was driving the Admiral all sorts of crazy; giving her weird feelings that she wasn't used to and making her feel anguish for the first time. It wasn't something that was easy for her to cope with, so she wanted to push her away any way that she could. It didn't end up working in the end and only made the admiral feel that much worse.

"Why did you take off your mask and cry. That was beyond foolish, you can die just from the smallest things because of your immune system. You should know better, you fool-"

"I know, but I couldn't help it." Rina admitted, noting the worry in the admiral's voice even though she was trying so hard not to let it show, "I should be used to this sort of thing. Not really being wanted, but for some reason I just can't process that, it's like I try hard to ignore it and make myself believe that it wasn't true. I should have known better the day mother left, I should have figured it out then…" Xen's words were really bothering her, she didn't know that she was rubbing this much salt in the wound.

Xen didn't have anything to say to that that could help her, comforting someone else wasn't really her specialty. She wouldn't even know where to start on such a thing, "What about that fool, Zorris? He seems to like you for some reason." Xen mentioned resisting the urge to bite her lip at the man who she really couldn't stand.

"Good things come to an end, right?" Rina questioned bringing up what Xen had told her last time, remembering all the details clear as day.

"Good things come to an end, true." Xen whispered feeling any courage that she mustered easily slip away the moment the words were spoken, "sometimes its better not to get attach to something so obscure and troubling. That's a mistake I made, do not follow that example." She stated to the younger girl, less confrontational than before.

Rina turned to face the older woman with a small smile, "Right." She whispered as she ran her fingers through her red hair. She seemed to be feeling a lot better than she was before, Xen could tell since she was so quick to agree like she normally was and that little smile lit-up her face like the sun. _Her_ sun.

"Just…tell me when you're not feeling well next time. It's better to know ahead of time so that I don't kick you out of special projects. Don't do any more foolish things from now on," Xen lectured, softer than before.

"Right."

Before Xen could turn her back to leave the room, there was one more thing that the little Quarian had to say. "Admiral?" Rina called out softly.

"Yes?" Admiral Xen answered turning her head to face the other girl behind her.

"Thanks for coming to check on me, I really appreciate it. I'm happy to know that you don't hate me." Rina beamed happily like she usually does. This time though, Xen could actually see her smile. _She was always smiling under that helmet, wasn't she?_

"I may come back to feed you..if I'm up to deal with another headache." She responded before walking out of the office to head back to work.

No doubt, Rina was still smiling behind her and thanking her for coming to check-in on her. Her smile was the most welcoming sight in such a stressful state, in fact, Xen could still feel her heart pounding just from the sight of it.

 _She got me after all, there's no denying it now._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Here is the 9th chapter! I hope it's not coming out too messy like I feel it is. Hopefully everything makes sense and you enjoy this chapter. Let me know if you have any feedback at all, thank you~**

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 _Never get attached, that's the mistake I made._

Not only was that the mistake Xen made, but that was the only mistake that she couldn't take back. She couldn't bottle those feelings inside anymore, she could no longer hold them back. Rina was released from the clinic in good health a few weeks ago and it was driving Xen insane seeing her with Zorris again, holding hands and always together. She couldn't tolerate it any longer and she was nearing her breaking point – she had to release these troubling feelings somehow.

 _There is a chance that I might never see her again, but that is the risk that I have to take. I can't do this anymore._

Xen sat there outside of the debriefing room since she was no longer allowed to take part in the strategy meetings. Admiral Garrel decided to take on the Geth head on, with the help of some old allies. Tali was able to get into contact with Shepard and the woman agreed to meet with them to help them carry out their plans to get Rannoch back. There was no saying what would happen once they meet with the Geth head on, and Xen didn't have much time if this was going to end in tragedy. Rina needed to know the truth, even if she rejects Xen she still needs to know the truth.

"How are you holding up, Admiral?" Xen looked up to see Tali taking the seat next to her outside of the war room. This was strange considering that she should have been in there helping out with the admirals.

"What do you need from me?" Xen questioned, not really in the mood for a conversation right now. She had too much going on in her mind, she didn't want any unnecessary distractions at the moment.

Tali didn't seemed to be fazed by the admiral's aloof behavior, although this was the first time that she was shrugged off so nicely. Normally Xen was rude shrugging people off, this time she was more approachable and less intimidating. "Shepard was able to cure the Krogan and they joined the war council. Who would have ever thought such a thing would be possible." It sounded like Tali was amazed by Shepard's actions and admired her to some degree. Then again, it could have been those 'girly feelings' being expressed in words. Who knows?

"Impossible. Are you sure you read that report correctly?" Xen mused, crossing her arms over her chest finding Tali's report to be nonsense. It was too good to be true, like most things in life. Such things cannot be done, it was utterly impossible.

"No, it's not. Shepard told me over vid-chat just now," Tali explained standing up for her old friend, "you don't know her like I do. She's always made the impossible possible. Maybe she can help us when this after all, we need her." She stated.

Xen remained quiet as she listened to Tali go on about Shepard, she truly believed that Shepard could help them. It was true that the human captain can perform miracles, she managed to avoid death so many times and always came out to be victorious in the end. They could use her help after all. "If you believe in her that much, it could be worth a shot." She declared nonchalantly.

"So, you trust me?" Tali questioned in clear disbelief since she was probably expecting the complete opposite from the admiral.

"I never said such a thing." Xen denied crossing one leg over the other wanting to avoid all of her questions.

"You didn't have to. You've changed and I think I know why," Tali pointed out to the admiral bravely as she continued to go on, "it's not too late, say what you need to say and give it a shot. She may feel the same way." Tali was spot on in reading Xen, it must have been because she was going through the same thing. In fact, that would be the only reason on how she can figure out such things on her own without anyone saying anything.

Xen turned to look at Tali, unsure of what to respond. She refused to acknowledge her feelings for Rina in front of Tali, but she knew that she was right. Something had to be said before it was too late, she couldn't hold them back anymore.

"You may go." Xen was quick to dismiss Tali from her presence for the time being, "I need to time to think." She confessed not wanting to be bothered anymore.

Tali slowly nodded her head before standing up to her feet before entering the war room. It was unknown why she came to speak to her when she was supposed to be with the other admirals, but Xen secretly appreciated the support. It was something that she didn't want to admit to herself, but she really needed the support now more than ever.

 _Should I do it in writing or just tell her? I may not say it right and hurt her feelings again._

It was very difficult to express something obscure to someone else by putting it into words. Xen was better with performing through actions, however that may not help her in this case. It was going to be very challenging, she was going to have to do it in a very different way.

 _ **Urgent. I need to speak with you right-**_ No. No, that was too pushy and was only deemed for real emergencies. Xen shook her head as she pressed the backspace to delete the nonsense she wrote on the message.

 _ **Are you free? Come see-**_ Backspace. That was too polite. Rina might assume that her being nice is some sort of trap. Xen bit her lip as she deleted the message to try again.

 _ **Come find me, now.**_ That was more like it. There was no way that Rina would refuse that one, in fact, she may rush to find Xen especially when she knows that she's in trouble.

 _I hope it works, it just might if she's not with that idiot._

It took a few minutes for a response, it seemed that Rina was in the middle of something before she could respond. _**Sorry it took so long, where are you?**_ Right, Xen forgot to say where she was at. This wasn't going to be easy at all.

 _ **How do you not know that? In front of the war room!**_ Xen responded trying her best to make it sound like she was irritated, and tried her best to keep her heart calm. It was pounding so loud that she could feel it in her ears, it was so annoying.

Rina didn't respond this time. Xen was about to send another message and stopped when she saw the familiar enviro-suit in her peripheral vision. It was Rina, and she was alone for the first time in a long while. Xen was relieved that she didn't bring her boyfriend this time, she didn't even want to think about it if Rina had.

"Yes, Admiral? What can I do for you?" Rina questioned formally as she clasped both of her hands together.

Here we go. Xen was back to being speechless, and unknowing of what she should say or how she should start it off. The most annoying thing in these sort of situations was that the person who is the first to confess are confident about their choice until they see the person they're going to confess to. It was a mind trick that was difficult to overcome, and Xen wasn't sure if she could go through it now.

Rina tilted her head to the side assuming that she was called over for a reason, "Is there something that you wanted to say?" she questioned politely. She probably thought she got into trouble again, it made Xen wonder what it was that she did wrong this time.

"W..Why aren't you in the meeting?" As out of character as it was for her, Xen decided to avoid the topic for now to avoid rejection. She was sure to be rejected if she just randomly confessed to Rina without any build-up, especially when she already bonded with another. That was frowned upon in Quarian tradition, it was similar to shacking up with someone who was already married in human traditions.

"Because I wasn't invited to join in," Rina answered simply as she took her seat next to Xen and clasped her hands together in her lap. Xen instantly noticed that her tone was different, it wasn't the same buoyant one as before. It sounded sad this time, "Zorris is going to be joining the war. They are making him join the battle, and he's not even a soldier." She stated solemnly.

"That's war. Everyone is going to be drafted, that's just how it works." Xen answered, shrugging her shoulders uncaringly. She didn't give two cares about Zorris, but it really bothered her to see Rina so upset over it.

"I know that's the way it works, and that's not why I'm upset," Rina clarified as she turned her head to face Xen, "I'm upset because I don't feel anything for the situation. I should feel _something_ about him being in danger, but I don't. Doesn't that make me a terrible person?" she questioned, hoping that Xen could ease her distress in some way.

"How should I know? I don't feel anything about anyone doing anything," That was a lie as of now, Xen felt a lot more now than she ever had before. She didn't even know such feelings existed before, and now they were hitting her all at once like raining bricks. "Maybe you just don't feel the same way for him that he does for you? He is a pest after all, I don't blame you." Xen spoke ill of the nice young man, she _really_ despised him.

"Maybe you're right," Rina agreed and any sadness in her tone instantly fleeted away like the sun pushing away the clouds, "it is difficult bonding with someone when you have someone else on your mind constantly." She confessed lightly, like there wasn't anything holding her back.

 _Someone else in mind? What does that mean?_ Xen wanted to press more answers from her, she wanted to know who it was enthralling Rina's thoughts. She _needed_ to know who it was.

"Anyways, thanks for the talk. I feel a lot better." Rina chimed standing to her feet to leave the admiral's side once more to go back to work. There was a lot of things that needed to be prepared before they can take on the Geth.

"Rina, wait." Xen called out, standing up to stop her wanting to press her for more information.

Of course, the moment Rina stopped and turned to face her, Xen's thoughts were clouded once more. This was one of the most annoying things that she ever had to deal with. "Um, come see me when you are troubled. You're more than welcome…when I don't have any headaches to deal with." She instructed crossing her arms over her chest to shake off any awkwardness building up in her body.

Rina nodded her head politely, "Thanks Admiral, I will." She chirped happily as she waved to Xen this time before walking off.

 _She was smiling again, wasn't she?_ And just like that, Xen felt herself doing the same thing. _That foolish girl._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Here is the tenth chapter! I'm sorry it took so long to write but here it finally is. And here is the part we have all been waiting for! I hope you guys like it and please give any feedback that you may have. Please enjoy~**

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Today was the last day for the war debriefing, this was the one that Admiral Xen was invited to. The eldest Admiral, Rann, decided that it would be best for Xen to be involved in the hearing so she would know what to expect during the raid.

"I got word that Shepard is going to be here tomorrow, so we need to go over some kind of strategy." Tali spoke to the Admirals, though it was apparent that something about the youngest was off at that moment. It could have been the fact that she knew that the battle was coming up and she was getting cold feet. It would make sense for that to be the reason.

Admiral Garrel was the next one to speak up, "We already have a strategy, it's already been decided." He spoke arrogantly, his idea was a direct attack that would leave many dead before they would get to Rannoch. Fool.

Admiral Rann shook her head objecting to the idea, "No. It's too dangerous. We need to distract them by taking out the weaker points to catch them off guard. A frontal attack would be suicide." She explained knowing that the arrogant admiral would ignore her words and go along with his own plan.

"I'm admiral of the heavy fleet, and what I say goes." That was Garrel's only reply, it was the only reply that he needed to make everyone else shut up.

" _That's something that really needs to change quickly."_ Xen thought sitting back in the chair watching and waiting for another argument to break out.

"Aren't we going to have to go through ground assaults as well when we reach the homeworld?" That was Rina's voice and Xen didn't even notice she was in there. She must have been out of it to not notice the familiar enviro-suit among the rest of them.

"Yes, we are going to need ground troops as well," Admiral Rann spoke up before Garrel had the chance to cut in, "what about it?" she questioned.

"I volunteer to go with the rest." Rina spoke up raising her hand to volunteer for the dangerous job earning Xen's ire. _Is she out of her right mind?_

"Absolutely not," Xen spoke up rejecting the little quarian's offer to assist with the war, knowing that she would probably be obliterated by the geth within seconds.

"Why not?" Rina's question was directed at the youngest admiral, who refused to even hear out her reasons for wanting to do so.

"Rina, you have no combat experience let alone the sense to duck. Do you even know how to use a weapon or would you die from infection from shooting yourself in the foot?" Xen pressed, in full set panic mode. She was aware that she was making matters worse, but she wasn't thinking right now. She couldn't think of anything else besides Rina getting herself killed on Rannoch.

The twenty-two year old didn't say anything after that and Rann was quick to cut in, "Either way, Xen. A lot of our people are going to be in danger with this war going on, participating or not. A lot of people are going to get killed." She explained trying to convince Xen to let Rina participate if she really wanted to.

 _Casualities of war, my foot._ Xen didn't say a word as she stood up from her chair to leave the war room. She didn't have anything to say after that, she couldn't bear the thought of losing Rina to this war. It was too hard for her to accept or let alone hear something like this. _Maybe this is what she meant when she told me Zorris was going to war, what she was supposed to feel?_ It was a good thing that she didn't up feeling this way, it was one of the worst feelings ever.

Xen headed straight for her lab, it was the one place where she felt at peace. The only place where she can process her useless thoughts and feelings, the only place that mattered. And there was an engine that needed to be clean, if she recalled correctly.

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Hours passed after that. Xen was still in her lab cleaning the engine that was nearly complete, and she forgot all of her worries for the time being. This is why she adored her engines dearly, they made her feel complete whenever she felt empty and now they help her forget her stupid petty emotions for that stupid girl.

There was a small knock on the door and Xen could feel all the emotions from before hit her like a tenfold, "What is it?" she called out unable to tare her eyes from her engine. She knew exactly who it was that was on the other side, and she didn't feel ready to face them quite yet.

"Admiral?" The serene voice called out, and she let out an eternal sigh the moment it hit her. Xen slowly turned her head to see Rina walk in carrying a small box in her arms, "I was hoping that you were in here. I didn't want to miss the chance to give you this." the young girl motioned her head in the direction of the box.

"What is it?" Xen questioned eyeing the box in the girl's arm with curiosity, finding it strange that Rina would come in with gifts after the tense encounter they had earlier.

"A peace offering," Rina chimed before walking over toward the dissection table to place it down, "I made it a while ago and I wanted you to have it." She stated twirling her fingers together shyly.

Xen was feeling flustered as she crossed her arms strictly pretending that receiving the piece offering didn't mean anything to her, "Why are you trying so hard to get killed? Do you truly believe that your life means so little?" she questioned cutting straight to the chase. She wanted answers and she didn't feel like sugar coating her concerns.

Rina was silent as she took a seat on the chair, she probably realized that she wouldn't be able to get away with leaving everything unanswered this time. "I don't _want_ to die." She reassured Xen's worries, but didn't give any explaination.

"How do you expect me to believe that? Why else are you willing to throw it away?" Xen pressed for more answers, not satisfied with Rina's tip toe answers.

"Because I'm tired of sitting around and watching like a waste of space," Rina finally answered confessing her inner feelings to the cold Admiral, "I never did anything to help anyone else. I didn't do anything when my mother left me or when my friends all died on my pilgrimage. All I did was sit around and made myself believe that everything was going to be okay and it's not! I'm tired of it all, I'm tired of being stupid useless reckless Rina who can't do anything right!" her voice was starting to crack like she was starting to cry as she stood back up and she actually rose her voice for the first time.

 _Rina._ Xen couldn't find the words as she watched the young girl break down in front of her with her true feelings. She never imagined what kind of feelings could be lurking around in Rina with all of her confessions that she was finally spewing out after being bottled up for so long.

"We have such a sad and screwed up history, there is never any joy being a Quarian. We get spat at, harassed, and are forced to relive the mistakes of our ancestors. What's the point of being alive if all we have is our misery to live on? I ask myself that question so many times and I force myself to be happy..that's why I am that way. Stupid. Useless. Trash. I make myself believe that everything is fine and there's no need for improvements..I'm so stupid." Rina whispered pulling off her face mask once more to reveal the mess of tears streaming from her big red eyes.

Xen felt her own eyes water with the grim scene unfolding before her. There were so many things running through her mind at the moment. Rina was going to get sick again from her foolish behavior, but that wasn't the only thing eating at Xen. She never knew Rina felt this way, she always assumed she was truly the happy fool that she's had the displeasure of encountering many times over. She didn't knew this Rina even existed.

"Rina," Xen called out to the younger girl who was now holding her face in her hands, "Shut your mouth and look at me." The woman snarled as she roughly grabbed Rina's arms to yank them away from her face.

Rina stumbled back from the surprising pull from the admiral and slowly looked up at her with sad eyes, "There's nothing that you can tell me that I haven't told myself already." She clarified shaking slightly from Xen's force.

"Yes, there is. You are stupid, you really are. There are many times I looked at you and thought to myself, 'who in the right mind can be this stupid' and no other answers came up except for you." Xen really didn't know how to deal with these situations at all, "More importantly, you are stupid for keeping all of these feelings to yourself when I told you that you can talk to me if you had anything bothering you. But instead you wait until the very last moment to rip off your mask and start sobbing like a buffoon. Are you out of your damn mind?" Yes, Xen really went there.

Rina couldn't bring herself to say anything to the harsh words and her bright glowing eyes veered down at the ground as the admiral went on.

"You're stupid, but you're not worthless or trashy in any sense. You just make the worst decisions of all time," Xen moved one of her hands to cup Rina's chin to make her look up at her, "Still, I can't bring myself to stop thinking about you. I try every day and night to get rid of this awful feelings you cursed me with, but I can't. I can't forget about them or you, for that matter. Why did you do this to me for so long?" she questioned, her tone was softer this time. Longing.

Rina's facial expression changed from the mopey stage to full-on shock, she wasn't expecting any of the words that the admiral was saying, "Y-You?" she whispered in disbelief.

Xen released Rina's wrist to move her hand over to her own face mask to take it off as well to get a better look at her, "From the moment I had the displeasure of accepting you into my crew after that awful pilgrimage gift, I've felt strange. It certainly didn't get any better with you rubbing that idiot in my face every chance you had. It was difficult for me to fathom." She confessed staring into Rina's glowing eyes with her own, fully exposed.

"W-What are you saying, Admiral?" Rina questioned, flustered and in shock as her cheeks flushed to a bright pink color.

"I can't get rid of you. No matter how much I want to or I try, you're something that I can't let go. You stupid fool, what have you done to me?" Xen whispered, before finally closing the distance between them this time.

 _If anything were happen to you, it'll kill me worse than any airborne infection ever could._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey guys~ It has been a long time since I wrote this story and I do apologize for the long wait! So for all of you who are following this story, I do hope that you can forgive me and that you are still interested. Please enjoy, and leave any feedback that you may have.**

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"So Zorris is accompanying me on the special projects, are you gonna tell him?"

"I..don't know."

"What?!"

Hours had passed since Rina's not-so-little confession, and the two women have spent their time in Xen's lab. The older quarian was very irritated to learn the news that Rina didn't have any plans on telling her boyfriend that she kissed someone else. It may sound beyond foolish and Xen knew that she didn't have any right to claim her territory on something that was not hers to begin with, but she wanted Rina. It's been a long time coming, and she couldn't deny her feelings for the little klutz any longer. The little puppy-like quarian was far too charming, and Xen didn't want to deny her any longer. It just would have been easier if Rina knew what the hell she wanted to begin with. It was clear that she didn't love her boyfriend, so what is holding her back now?

"It's just..I don't know what to tell." There was a frown that curved over Rina's lips as she laid on her back and stared up at the ceiling. "Zorris is so good to me, he deserves better than this." She confessed to the admiral, who certainly couldn't care any less about the boyfriend. Rina is such a good person in general, it wasn't any surprise that she wanted to let him down as gently as she could.

Xen rolled her eyes after Rina stated that Zorris deserved better, she certainly didn't think so but she wasn't going to tell her that. She ran her fingers through her long black locks as she stared down at Rina who was now playing with the strands of her dark red hair. "We should put our masks back on, we are gonna get sick and probably die in battle." She stated as her glowing eyes darted over to the clock on her Omni-tool. 0900. Commander Shepard was going to be joining them very soon, they didn't have much time together.

Xen's words snagged at Rina's short attention span, and the redhead immediately sat up to stare down at her with that little pout. "No, not yet." She was pleading that they could stay out of their suits just a little longer, and Xen was ready to decline up until Rina did the one thing that she couldn't refuse. "Please? Pleeeease?" The adorable little monster clasped her hands together and starting swaying her body slightly like a child would for candy. It was something that immediately grated the admiral's nerves, but she couldn't say no to that.

"If I die from an infection, I am going to haunt you for the rest of your life." Xen stated in the most serious of tones only for Rina to ignore it and playfully wrap her arms around the older woman's neck. Xen tensed under the embrace slightly, she was far from being used to this sort of thing. She often pushed anyone away when they got to close to her, she didn't need the baggage of another person. However, this is an entirely new experience for her, but she didn't want Rina to let her go.

Unfortunately, Rina could feel Xen tense up from underneath her, and she immediately loosened her grip on her. "I'm sorry... was that too soon?" She whispered looking down at the admiral with the sheepish of grins.

"You let me go, you are _fired."_ Xen explained to her crew mate who instantly regained the tight grip that she had on her beforehand. She didn't move to return the embrace, but she allowed Rina to do it instead.

The air around them was eeriely silent for a few minutes before Rina finally brought up the one question that Xen was dreading to answer. "So.. What does this make us?" It was clear that there was some kind of romantic tension between them and the fact that they were both women certainly didn't help. "We're two woman who like each other, the fleet would never approve, especially since you're an admiral." She brought up letting her uneasy feelings finally show on her face.

Rina raised two very important facts, the two main factors that Xen was going to have to consider if she wanted this relationship to progress. The fleet cannot openly disapprove about their relationship and separate them, but Xen does know for a fact that it won't be accepted. Unlike the asari, two females quarians cannot reproduce any offspring, and that would be the main issue. Xen is certain that they will find a way to get through this, should they both come back from the battle alive. That isn't important right now. Right now, all they need to worry about is making it out of this war alive. Nothing else mattered; first is going to be Rannoch, and the second is going to be the rest of the galaxy. They don't have time to worry about the smaller issues.

"It doesn't matter." Xen reassured as she moved her hand to brush some of the red strands of hair from Rina's face. "We are two woman with strong feelings for each other. That's all we are, nothing more nothing less." She explained to the younger quarian trying her best to calm her down.

Rina immediately leaned her head into Xen's hand the moment the hair was brushed from her face. It was evident that Xen was surprised by the gesture when she tried to move her hand away, and Rina purposely moved her hand over to trap the one that Xen had on her cheek to keep it there. "Okay." She chirped softly with an innocent smile like she didn't just do anything mischievous

Before Xen had the chance to say anything about the playful actions from the younger woman, she was cut off by the message from Admiral Raan. She was requesting her presence to the war room since the Normandy had finally arrived. This is the moment she was dreading the most. They were going to land on Rannoch and fight the Geth, and Rina was going to be a part of that. Xen didn't want her to go, she was hoping that she would change her mind, but she doubt that Rina would. The stupid girl could be as stubborn as a mule when it came down to it, there would be no changing her mind when it came down to it.

"Come on," Xen stood up from the chair she was sitting in and gently pulled Rina off of the table that she was laying down on. "They are waiting on us." She announced with a heavy heart as they geared up before they left the lab to report to the war room. She isn't looking forward to this now that there is so much more at stake, but she isn't going to run from it. Whatever happens, she will find a way to deal with it somehow. Good or ill.

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 **There will be more to come~**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Hello~ I'm so happy that this story is finally picking up again. I do plan on posting more chapters more often. Thank you guys so much for your support, it is deeply appreciated and I'll try my best not to disappoint any of you. Please enjoy the new chapter!**

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Rina stuck close by Xen and Tali as they went aboard the Normandy to meet up with the rest of the admirals. It wasn't any surprise to see that both Korris and Garrel were going at it when they made it to the debriefing room, and Marissa Shepard instantly jumped in to defuse the situation before it could get any further. Raan tried her best to intervene as well, although her words could only do so little since Garrel is in charge of the largest fleet and his word is the law. It is lucky for them that they were aboard Captain Shepard's ship, and that she had control of their actions as well.

"Listen, I understand that you want to disable the geth permanently." Marissa's words were directed to the one raging lunatic who refused to listen to reason. Garrel was going to get the entire fleet killed if they followed through with his plan. "But we _cannot_ risk the fleet, under any circumstance. I don't care for the reason, it will not happen." The woman made her point clear, and Xen had to admit that she found it rather impressive.

While Xen didn't share the same feelings of attachment for Shepard like both Tali and Veetor, she couldn't help the amount of respect she had for that woman. Shepard was very kind and strong in her own way – she treated everyone with respect and at the same time she didn't allow anyone to walk over her. Especially not admiral Garrel, who was no doubt less than pleased with Shepard's speech.

Garrel let out a scoff when Rann nodded her head as a way to thank Shepard for using her brain. "Thank you, Shepard." The eldest admiral looked over the blueprints on the holographic overhead before them. "I say that we get started on figuring out our next move. We need to organize a safe way to get you and a small group onto that geth dreadnought without any hassle." She explained to the commander before she pressed onto the button to turn the holograph off.

When the meeting was adjourned, Xen watched Tali as she walked away from the rest of the group with Shepard. It must have been very difficult time for the young new 'admiral' to be thrown into these war strategies that she clearly didn't have a single shred of experience in as well as worrying about the safety of her _friend._ Xen was curious if those feelings that Tali have explained to her before were still there or not? The face masks they had to wear twenty-four seven made it impossible to read facial expressions, and Tali wouldn't be the one to speak on her feelings in front of the rest of them. She was similar to her father in that sense - always wanting to keep the strong demeanor, despite being extremely broken down inside. Rina was the same way, but she would never let that show. Xen realized that she was the one. The words were something that needed to be said at the time, and it gave her a deeper insight into the inner workings of the sunny beach that she was so fixated on.

It wasn't any surprise that both Tali and Shepard immediately strategized a safe passage for the dreadnought in a very short amount of time. The plan was that Shepard was going to enter the dreadnought first before the entire thing can collapse into deep space and lead the small group into the dreadnought. They don't have very much time in general before the ship breaks down, and they have a very strict time limit. It was decided that Tali and Kaidan and Garrus were going to be joining Shepard on the dreadnought. It wasn't any surprise that Rina was disappointed that she couldn't tag along with them, but Xen found it relieving that she didn't have to worry about the young girl shooting herself in the foot any time soon. It also gave them more time together in the end, and that is all that mattered.

"I was hoping that I could join them in the dreadnought." Rina complained with a tinge of sadness in her voice as they were sitting in Elan'Shiya's office. "I want to be of use in some way, you know?" She confided in the admiral as the medicine was starting to kick in.

Xen was beginning to feel warm earlier before the meeting began, and she was figuring that she was becoming sick by the open air exposure from their dramatic display earlier. Since she was feeling sick, she was positive that Rina was feeling sick as well since she had her mask off earlier as well. "Well, think of it this way. You are more likely to die in the dreadnought, you have little combat experience and we have no information about what lies in there. At least with Rannoch, there are plenty of open spaces to hide and you are less likely to get shot in close proximity unless you shoot yourself. I'm still certain your lack of firearm experience will show." She pointed out bluntly, although her tone was softer this time unlike before. Whatever concern that was building up within her was slowly beginning to show, it made Xen feel a little uneasy but she felt better at the same time now that it was out.

This time Rina didn't seem to take offense to her words, she took them in stride as she released the softest of laughs at the remark. "Or..you just wanted to spend more time together. That could be it too." She called on Xen's bluff as soon as it left her lips, and it made the admiral speechless. Normally Rina wasn't the kind of person who was quick on her toes like this, but Xen couldn't deny her playful accusation either. "It's okay, I don't mind spending more time with you." The young woman assured happily as she leaned her body into the admiral's and reached over to take her hand.

Like before, Xen could feel her body tense under the physical affection, but Rina didn't loosen her grip this time. That was good because she didn't want her to, she just wanted to stay like this for as long as possible. Everything was going to be a huge mess soon, and there was no guarantee that she would ever see Rina again after this war is over. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm just trying to convince you that you will work better in open space since you clearly lack experience, I just...don't want to see you die an embarrassing death is all." Normally Xen was straightforward in her feelings, and didn't have any trouble with getting them across. On the other-hand, this situation was different from anything that she has ever been involved in before. It was more delicate and involved feelings that she never once thought she could ever possess. _This is definitely the real thing._

"Mmm-hmm. I'll probably have a better chance at hiding behind a big ol' rock then." Rina played along with the coy act that was probably more of a surprise to her than anything else at this point.

"There are cliffs on the planet as well, I recommend that you watch your footing and keep whatever common sense you have left intact." Xen kept the playful banter going.

"Ah, those pesky cliffs! I don't know which is worse, plunging down to my death or being shot in the foot." Rina mused playfully.

"I imagine both deaths would be pretty horrible and stupid, honestly." Xen explained softly.

"Hey Admiral?" Rina called out in a sweet sing-song like tone.

"Yes?" Xen answered.

"Thank you for caring about me." Rina whispered softly before she let her head nuzzle into Xen's shoulder like a newborn kitten trying to demand for affection.

Rina's bold move only made Xen release an exasperated sigh to make it seem like she didn't enjoy the affection. "Don't get used to it." She muttered only for her own head to move over to rest upon Rina's. It was kind of strange for her, but she couldn't deny that the feeling that it gave her was a nice one.

 _It's the little insignificant moments like this one that I wouldn't change for anything in the world..._


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Here is the latest chapter! This one was inspired by the song 'airplane' by iKon. Very random, but I could see it in the situation. Anyways, I hope that this is okay and I appreciate your support. Thank you so much.**

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The mission aboard the Geth dreadnought proved to be successful, despite the not-so-minor fact that Admiral Garrel tried to kill Shepard and her crew. Marissa told the admirals that she wanted them to flee the first moment that they get, and instead the hard-headed fighting machine instead went to launch an attack on the dreadnought. This made Xen extremely grateful that Rina didn't go aboard the dreadnought as well, she probably would have lost her marbles and would have strangled that man herself. Everyone made it off safely for the most part, although Marissa was fuming the moment she re-entered the war room.

"I told you to flee the very first moment you guys get, and instead you put everyone's life at stake?" It was clear that the commander was on the verge of snapping and Xen was honestly expecting her lash out in her boiling anger. "Get the hell off my ship, and work on the strategies elsewhere." She didn't hurt the man, but she did let him know that he was no longer welcome on the Normandy.

Garrel was backed into submission and releasing yet another scoff before making his exit out of the war room. He made sure to brush shoulders with Tali on the way out of the room on his way out, and she released a curse under her breath. Although, nothing was more shocking than when a Geth consensus entered the room to inform Shepard of condition of the geth army. "What the hell is this?" Raan snapped at the machine while Xen found herself to be intrigued by the Geth.

"He's friendly." Marissa reassured the alarmed admiral who looked as if she were going to blow a gasket before veering her eyes over to Xen to give her a fair warning. "He is not going to be a part of your projects though. He is an old ally and I am not going to let you do any harm to his physical stature." she made it very clear where they stood.

The cold admiral was not expecting this kind of news from the commander, and she was livid that she was not allowed to bring the Geth back into the lab with her. "Don't you understand the scientific benefits if we co-" she tried to reason with the commander as best as she could, although Rina was there to stop her before another fight could break out. It was clear that Xen was far from the scrappy sort, but she was angry that she wasn't allowed to take Legion back with her. This artificial intelligence was nothing at all like the ones who attacked the Citadel all those years ago, this one was mild-mannered and is identical to the ones who were present during the morning war. That was over three hundred years ago, and it hasn't lost any shred of intelligence over the years. She needed this for her study.

"Let it go, ma'am." Rina whispered to Xen as she placed a soft hand on her shoulder to calm her down. "There will be more to study eventually, we just need to go home." It was clear that Rina relished the idea of having a place to go home to. It has never been stated in any conversation between them, but she is obviously searching for stability of some sort. She is nothing more than a child at heart – a child who has been through many hardships in life and wanted nothing more than to be happy. That is what made Xen keep her mouth closed when Marissa refused to let her use the Geth. The fact that Rina needed a home, and the fact that she wanted her to have a home as well. None of this would be achieved without Shepard, and they were all aware of it.

"Commander, we have a problem." Admiral Ran called out from the war board after there was the signal from the war board. It was broken down into little pieces and could not be heard. Marissa had the ships AI clear up the signal immediately and Korris could be heard. The civiallian fleet was caught in the crossfire and his ship crashed onto Rannoch, and he needed emergency evacuation. The only thing that made things difficult is the fact that the Geth have organized the AI guns to shoot down any ship that they do not recognize. "Send a team with you, Commander, and I recommend that you bring Rina with you." she explained bringing the young scientist into their conversation.

When Shepard turned to look at Rina, it was hard not to see the hesitance that fell over the commander's face. "You got experience with firearms?" The woman questioned the young tech expert.

"No, she doesn't." Xen was quick to jump into the conversation, despite her having no place in Rina's decided fate. "She's not ready, Raan." She tried to fight with the order itself only to be ignored by both of the woman.

Rina offered a reluctant nod to the question. "A little bit, I'm better with tech. I can work on the guns if you can cover me?" She offered knowing that she would be better operating on the guns than she would be fighting off the geth.

 _ **Stop for a moment.**_

"Okay, we'll take her." Marissa agreed with a small nod before she turned back to the young quarian to offer her a small hint of a smile. "We'll keep you safe, just make sure that you can get it done in a timely manner." She ordered to which the cheerful woman gave an enthusiastic nod in response.

 _ **Let her get off or let me go on.**_

Xen released a deep breath as she took Rina's wrist and lead her away from the small group to have a word with her. "Rina..are you sure you want to go with them?" She would not lie, Rina was as clumsy as could be and she knew better than to believe that the woman would actually be okay with a whole army of Geth shooting at her.

 _ **Just one more day.**_

"Yes, I'm sure." It was clear that Rina was trying her best to stay upbeat about going with Shepard to Rannoch. Xen knew that she was disappointed that she couldn't go on the dreadnought, but it was for the best. Garrel more than likely would have killed her one way or another if she actually joined them.

 _ **Just one more hour.**_

"Rina, are you ready to go?" Marissa called out to the woman as another one of her squad mates, a human male, joined them. There was no time for this, Xen was very well-aware of that, but she didn't care. This was a dangerous situation, and she was certain that Korris could spare one more minute.

 _ **Just wanna say one thing.**_

"Yes, I'm ready." Rina assured the commander softly before slowly reaching out both of her hands to grab for the admiral's. "I'll be careful." She whispered softly as she leaned forward to the admiral. She was trying so hard to stay upbeat in this situation, but Xen could easily see through her. There was an obvious excitement within the young woman, but there was also something else that she could not pinpoint. She didn't what it could be, and that really bothered her.

"You better." Xen scolded the young woman who finally let go of her hands after a couple of seconds before moving on with the trio. There was a feeling of someone's eyes that lingered over her, and when she turned to see who it was, she was not pleased by the sight at all. It was Zorris, Rina's boyfriend, who was standing before her. The worst part was that the young foolish girl didn't even break-up with him yet, and there is the possibility that he might have just witnessed their little moment.

Xen was quick to cross her arms over her chest as she stared back at the man. "What?" She questioned without any lingering fear of what he would do or say.

"We have found many interesting pieces of the dreadnought." There was no sign of malice in the tone of Zorris nor was there any glee as well. He was being professional, something that Xen wasn't very familiar with in general. "The rest of the scientists would like to see you there when possible." he announced shortly before taking his leave. He wasn't disrespectful towards her, but she was positive that he had witnessed that moment between Rina and her. Frankly, Xen didn't really care if he had seen it or not - the only concern she had about him knowing was that if he was going to report it or not. That will be the main issue, for many obvious reasons.

The admiral didn't bother to respond to the man, instead she only followed behind him to return to the special labs. There was more important things that were demanding her attention right now, she couldn't lose focus on Rina right now. All she can do is try her best to convince herself that she will be okay, and that there is nothing for her to worry about.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Here is the fourteenth chapter of confessions! Thank you so much for following this story and I do appreciate all of the feedback. Please continue to show your support if you do want me to continue this! 3**

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Everything was in complete chaos the very moment that the shuttle touched the landing pad. Rina could spot the gun towers miles away from their current destination, and she could feel her stomach churn nervously. There were geth running all around the homeworld, and who is to say that all of this wasn't a trap. Rina didn't have the slightest clue about what they would be walking into, but Miss Shepard and Tali seemed to have a good idea. That was enough to calm Rina down in the meantime, and she made sure to follow close behind them.

"It's too quiet," Tali muttered as they walked through the rocky path that was left completely pitch dark.

The commander gave a short nod of her head, her piercing blue eyes being the only thing that could be seen through the helmet. "They might have spotted our shuttle on the way down. Keep an eye out." the woman gave the order and the others responded in unison.

There was a small group of geth that were camping out around a bonfire, and Rina could feel her heart pounding in her rib cage like it was going to jump out. It's been a long time since she left the safety of the fleet for her pilgrimage, and she was still feeling the trauma from it. Everything had ended so badly when she reached the end, but she refused to let it stop her from the task they needed to complete. She told the admiral that she wanted to be of use to the rest of the team, and she was going to keep her word, no matter what.

As the small group inched near the campsite, the synthetics were alerted by the footsteps and they went on the offensive. "Get down!" Miss Shepard called to her team before the geth opened fire on the area. The human captain was the closest one to Rina, and pulled the woman down with her before she could get hit.

The young quarian took a sharp breath as she remained close to Shepard trying her best to block out the loud sounds from the gunfire. She wished that she could turn off her ear filters to block out the noise, but she knew better. Rina would need to hear the orders that Miss Shepard was going to give her, so she would have to stay strong as long as she could. Everything seemed to be going smoothly up until she heard a loud grunt from someone on the team, and she immediately jumped to see what it was.

It turns out that it was the human male who was grunting, and she could finally see what happened. Kaiden dropped his pistol onto the ground, and fell to his knees while clutching onto his shoulder for dear life. "Damn it, they got me." his voice was low as he slowly pressed his back against the boulder that was shielding him.

"Kaiden!" Rina could hear the distress in the commander's tone as she left her side to rush over to the human biotic. "How bad is it?" she managed to reach the man's side safely, still remaining in the squatting position.

"I'll live," Kaiden reassured as his hands remained clutched onto his shoulder and he turned to face the commander. "I gotta stop the bleeding though before it gets bad." he released a soft grunt as he tried to shift his body in attempt to get more comfortable, it didn't work.

Commander Shepard nodded immediately as she placed her gun inside of the holster before activating the medi-gel on her omni-tool. "Tali, cover us!" she called to her engineer as she began to work on the biotic.

It was impossible for Tali to fight the geth on her on as well as protect the rest of the team. There were at least five of them all shooting at them, and some were moving over to invade their territory. Tali was quick to maneuver over to the other quarian and pressed her back to the boulder without turning her head to face her. "Listen, I need you to help back me up," she used her free hand to reach over to grab the spare pistol in her holster. "I know you don't have any firearm experience, but I need your help. Please." the older woman begged in the softest tone - one that Rina could not refuse.

With a reluctant nod of her head, Rina reached for the pistol that was offered to her and rose it upward. She was familiar with with using guns, but it wasn't anything near Tali's expertise. Before their pilgrimage, every quarian is required to learn a minimal of combat training, and she wasn't any different. It wasn't the guns that she was scared of, she was more frightened of the people who were wielding them. "I'll do my best, but I am so much better with tech." she muttered as Tali crawled back over to her own boulder before she began shooting at the Geth.

During the battle, Rina remained hidden behind the boulder and only shot at the geth when they were distracted by Tali, and only managed to shoot one. There were sudden flashbacks that were trying to resurface from within her during the battle, but she pushed them away as best as she could. No, she couldn't afford to dwell on those memories right now. Not when the rest of the team needed her - _her_ team needed her. Tali was able to hack her way into the last remaining geth and fry its systems before they were safe to come out from hiding.

"Is he okay?" Tali questioned as they both ran over to Shepard's side to check on their injured squadmate.

"I'm fine, let's keep moving." Kaiden reassured everyone as he slowly struggled to get back onto his feet with the fresh banaged that was covered in his blood. It was better than nothing, and they cannot afford to waste time with Admiral Korris needing their help.

The entire mission was a dreadful one. Rina could feel her eyes burning at the grizzly sight of the butchered quarians that were littered everywhere as they were getting closer to the gun towers. It was difficult for her not to get upset over it because these were their civilians who were thrown into this war. Surely, they deserved better. At first Rina was excited over the idea of them going home, but is it really worth it now? All these bodies laying around were telling her otherwise, but that would mean that their deaths were for nothing if they give up now. The younger quarian took a sharp breath as they pressed onward towards the guns, she wasn't going to give up this time. Especially since none of these people could make it this far, she wasn't going to let their deaths be for nought.

 _ **Tell my son, tell Jonah, that his father made it to the homeworld.**_

Rina will make sure that the son receives the dying message. The son will receive the news about how wonderful and brave that his father was for achieving the one thing that many quarians were not able to experience, and she will write it out in her own blood if that is what it comes to.

When the small group made it to the guns, Shepard had the others cover the exits while Rina went to work on the AA guns. They were successful, that is, until they made it to the last AA gun. All of the geth were starting to surround them, and the screaming and gun sounds were enough to rattle the young woman who was trying desperately to complete the hack. Everything was starting to become too overwhelming.

 _ **Damn it! They broke through! Rina, take Jayce and get the hell out of here!**_

This entire time, the young quarian was trying desperately to repress those troubling thoughts for as long as she could. With everything going straight to hell, it was impossible for her to ignore any longer.

"Rina! Hurry up!" Miss Shepard's voice could barely be heard over the guns blazing all around them, and Rina bit down on her lip and tried to focus on the code before her.

 _ **I can't! Like you said before, we're a family and we're going to stay together!**_

"Damn it! One of them slipped through!" Again, the voices could not be heard over the gunshots and Rina was lost in her own world trying to get the codes in. Before she was able to enter the last set, she could feel a strong burning sensation coming from her right shoulder, and she turned her head to see the gaping hole that was clean through her suit.

"Rina!" The quarian woman immediately fell to her knees from shock, and the last thing she could remember seeing before her vision blacked out was the small group of three running towards her.

"She's down! I need an emergency evac now!" The commander hollared to their shuttle pilot for an emergency pickup.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Here is the 15th chapter. I do apologize for the long wait, I do plan on posting more often. Until then, please enjoy this chapter~**

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For Xen, everything went to hell very quickly after Shepard's shuttle had left the fleet. There was a bad feeling that was circling around in her gut the moment that her comm went out in the middle of the conversation. She had failed to warn them that there are many Geth that have been reported by Korris and many more dead Quarians as well. Normally, Xen wouldn't be anywhere near as freaked out as she was right now, but they had Rina with them. The young woman was a lover, she did not possess a single mean bone in her body. All the Admiral could do was pray that she made it back safely.

Fortunately, there was enough distractions in the special projects to keep the older woman busy for the moment. Raan had requested that she used Xen's supplies in order to rescue the lifepods from the wrecked ships, and the woman approved. The equipment that Raan is wanting to use is not only made from extremely expensive resources, but they were also very vital from the lab as well. She trusted that her friend would give them back in good shape, and she knew that Raan wouldn't have asked if it wasn't for anything important.

"You know, I can feel your eyes on me." Xen finally spoke up after what had been an hour and a half of the creepy staring and turned to Zorris. "something you need to say?" she was very direct with the man, she didn't have anything to hide. It was safe to assume that he had seen her and Rina earlier, and she wasn't going to deny it when he finally brought it up.

Zorris had paused for a second as he tore his eyes from the admiral. "I just want to know what's going on bet-" the man was caught off before he could finish his sentence since Shepard was demanding for an evac.

There were bad feelings that were swarming within the admiral as she listened closely to the emergency call, she needed to know what happened. _"Rina was shot on the battlefield. She fell on her head and her helmet is cracked, we need help!"_ Shepard's voice on the comm was going in and out, but Xen could easily identify the words 'shot', 'helmet' and 'cracked' to decipher the broken words. Rina was shot and her helmet is broken. Immediately, Xen released a soft grunt as she listened to Raan explaining that they were going to send an evac immediately as soon as the defense towers were shut down. It sounded like Tali was already working on it as they were speaking.

When Tali had finished shutting down the towers, Raan was able to send an evac in to retrieve Rina while the others remained on the planet a little longer to save Korris. Xen left her own ship to head to the normandy where Dr. Chakwas was taking care of Rina's injuries. The human woman seemed to have the first-hand basic knowledge about Quarian health, she had EDI activate the clean air filters in the private backroom so she could dress the Quarian's wounds without risking an infection. "Her condition is out of the red zone..but I'm afraid that she is going to be unconcious for a while. When she passed out, the impact busted her helmet and I had to stitch up her head." the old woman spoke as she looked down Rina who was laying unconcious on the bed.

Rina was lying before Xen completely suitless. Her ashen skin was revealed to her and all she had on her body were the basic undergarments. Her right shoulder was dressed in white clean bandages that were slowly beginning to turn pink from the blood. "What do you mean?" Xen questioned as she stared the human woman down. What the doctor was trying to explain to her was obvious, but Xen didn't want to believe it. She wouldn't believe it.

"Admiral, Rina is going to be in a coma." It was clear from Chakwas pain-filled expression that she hated giving her this kind of news, but Xen didn't care. It was the doctor's job to give bad news, and that didn't mean anything. Chakwas didn't know Rina at all, so her empathy wasn't really appreciated. "..It could take a month or maybe a year. There is also that slight chance that she may never wake up again." And just like that, Xen could feel many tiny little daggers stabbing her in the heart.

"Leave us." Xen could feel her voice crack as she told the doctor to leave. She tried her best to keep up public appearances, but this kind of news killed her. They haven't even been together for a solid week yet, and there was already that high chance that she would never see Rina again. The one person who could make her feel this way...is already slipping away from her. This couldn't be happening.

The doctor didn't say anything else once Xen had demanded that she leave, she wasn't going to argue with the woman. She could see how disgrught Xen was even though she couldn't see her face, though she could hear it clear as day in her voice. She was hurting very badly, and the doctor actually thought it would be best to give her space. "Let me know if you need me." the woman spoke softly before she finally left the room.

Once the admiral felt like it was safe to be herself, she finally let all of the emotions pour out. She could feel the hot tears streaming down her cheeks as she took the seat next to Rina. "I..I told you not to go! Why didn't you listen?!" The admiral couldn't stop the large waves of many different mixed emotions wash over her as she went on. "I told you many times that you are too stupid to survive the battle. Why couldn't you be smart for the first time in your life and listen to me?" Xen was so angry that all of her cold words and emotional pleas fell on deaf ears this entire time. She had warned Rina many times over not to be a part of this war, and she never listened to her. Not one damn time did Rina look her in the eye and say 'I understand'. And here she was, laying on this human ship in a coma.

Xen didn't know what to do, all she could do was take Rina's hand in her own and cry as she was hoping that this wouldn't be the last memory she would have of her. The hope that she had turned into wishes that came from her lips and the wishes that came soon turned into prayers, and the prayers went unanswered.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Here is the 16th chapter. I'm not going to lie, this one was a little difficult to write without getting all watery-eyed. I was listening to simple plan's song 'Try' while writing it and I'm just gonna say that it didn't help. Lol. Thank you to everyone who is following this story, I really appreciate the support. Please give any feedback that you may have. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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Two weeks. It had taken two whole weeks, with the help of Shepard, to win Rannoch back. The rest of the crew were still celebrating their new found freedom, and not only that but they were learning how to get along with the Geth. Somehow, Shepard made the impossible possible once more and brockered peace between the Quarians and the Geth - the one alliance that no one in their right mind thought would be possible.

The first day the fleet had finally landed on the homeworld, there were many cheers and excited Quarians running out to greet their new home. Xen stood among them, although she didn't same the same cheery mood as the rest. In fact, she felt nothing but emptiness as she stared out into the red and orange sunset before her. Rina was the most excited one about Rannoch, and she wasn't here to enjoy it. Hell, it didn't seem to be a fair arrangement given that the bastard of the heavy fleet was granted the same pleasantries that Rina was not. Admiral Xen was secretly hoping that Garrel would 'accidently' trip over one of the rocks and fall to his death off a cliff. _Wishes are just prayers that destroy dreams._

While the rest of the crew were out exploring the new planet, Xen found herself back in her old lab. She didn't really feel ready to part with it just yet. She wasn't ready to be around other people just yet, she wanted to be alone for the time being. There was the chance that Raan wouldn't leave her alone for very much longer, and she wanted to enjoy her privacy for as long as she could before her old friend could tear her away from her only sources of comfort.

Xen found the box that she had hidden away a few weeks prior, and it finally hit her. That was the gift that Rina had given her a while back - the one 'peace offering' that was supposed to make everything better. Xen could feel her heart drop in her chest at the memory, her feet managed to move on her own and bring her over to the box. "What have we here?" Xen whispered to herself as she used her hand to wipe away the layers of dust that had covered over the plain box. When she finally removed the top, whatever remained of her broken heart had instantly shattered when she saw the contents.

It was a tiny robot that was inside of the box. Gizmo? Xen was thinking back on the little robot that Rina had invented before, there were many similarities between the tiny synthetics but some differences as well. Instead of having the white and turquoise color patterns that Rina did, this little useless contraption had black clad armor with a little purple helmet and black glowing eyes. Was this tiny robot supposed to be modeled after her? Xen could feel the hot water swelling in her eyes as she scoffed at the tiny thing. "Stupid stupid. You are a wonderful technician, yet here you are wasting your time on these foolish projects. How shameful!" Xen tried her best to keep her composure as she was critiquing the tiny synthetic but she was choking on her words. She wasn't going to let herself break, not now.

The admiral gently placed the robot on the ground, not having the heart to throw it out like she had wanted to. There was an omni-pad that was at the bottom of the box that had one recorded message on it, and the woman released a heavy sigh. She was beginning to regret opening this box, she even regretted to accept it as a piece offering. Xen took the next few moments to re-collect her composure before she finally moved on to pick up the omni-pad to play the recorded messages.

 **First message.**

 _Hi admiral! It's Rina. I know..you're very upset with me right now because I didn't show up to the briefing again today. Please, don't kick me out of the lab..I've worked so hard to get here. You don't have any idea, I promise I'll get better soon..I just need to take care of something. In the meantime, please understand._

The sound of Rina's voice felt like blades that had stabbed her in the heart repeatedly, but after hearing that message, she needed to hear the rest. She couldn't stop it now.

 **Second message.**

 _I have finally done it! I have made a cute little gizmo! I know how much you care about synthetics and I wanted to try to see if I could make one for you. I..know how the fleet feels about the geth and he is not one of those. He is similar to a kids' toy, he comes with a little controller and everything. I just wanted to do something nice for you, especially for overlooking all of my mishaps recently. I..really appreciate it, ma'am._

There was a stray tear that had fled down the admiral's cheek and she cursed under her breath. Rina spent that much time on her, than why did she spend half of it with that stupid technician? Stupid Zorris. She regained whatever was left of her strength and pressed the button to go to the final message. b

 **Third message.**

 _"Xen. It's Rina, again. I actually just spoke to you. I..didn't mean to upset you back in the war room, but I don't want to be the odd one out. I don't feel right sitting back in the safe zone while innocent people die. I lost my family that way, back on the pilgrimage. I made it out while the rest of them didn't. I cannot let that happen again. You think that I'm useless and clumsy, but if I have the chance to save at least one person's life, than the sacrifice was worth it. If I can sacrifice myself for our new home, I will do it without a doubt. My mother never got to hear the news, she had left me a long time ago, she probably isn't alive to see it. That probably doesn't matter anymore now, but there are plenty of other families who have that chance! I will fight for them, and if you never forgive me, than just let me thank you now. Thank you for letting me join the special projects..it means more to me than you could ever now. Working with you has been the best experience, ma'am, and I will never forget it._

"Damn it, Rina!" Whatever strength and determination Xen had to not break down before had completely shattered after that last message. Rina was still in a coma with no chance of recovering, and this was her last goodbye? The tears that were escaping from the admiral were uncontrollable at this point, and she was unable to see anything through her visor. "Why the fuck couldn't you just listen to me? Why are you so hard-headed?" Then again, Xen probably wouldn't have been so invested if Rina was too easy. Still, it didn't change the fact that she was furious over her stupid decisions. They would probably cost her life, and Xen would be left alone. It was funny looking back now..she never realized how hard it was being lonely, she never realized how terribly bad she was at it too.

Xen had sunk down to the floor and had clutched the tiny gift to her chest like it was going to be ripped from her arms at any moment. She had been so caught up in her own troubling thoughts and feelings, that she didn't even hear the door open and she didn't noticed that there was another person in the room with her until she felt someone wrap their arms around her. Xen's body tensed up for a couple of seconds before she finally relaxed into the embrace and turned her head to see Tali sitting with her. "I..always thought that I didn't need anyone before..now I'm starting to realize how wrong I truly was." she whispered softly to the young Quarian who was sitting next to her.

Tali didn't say anything, much to Xen's appreciation, and just sat there with her in silence. It was almost like they were giving their final farewell to a good friend.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Here is the next chapter! For all those of you who have been supporting this story, I truly appreciate it! I can honestly say that when I first started it, I wasn't expecting any of this. Thank you so much for following it, and I hope this was worth the wait. There will be more to come. Thank you. :]**

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Rannoch was a beautiful planet, and the more days that Xen had spent there, she was really feeling the loss of her lover. Rina was excited about this planet, and she wasn't here to enjoy it. The geth were helping them every step of the way to make Rannoch the beautiful place that it once was; it had only been a few weeks, and they were already able to adapt to the new living enviroment. Of course, they weren't able to roam around without their suits for too long, but it was progress. In fact, Leigon was already coming up with certain schematics for food and shelter. It was going to be a while before they were able to make Rannoch liveable once more, but they have enough food to last for a long time, if necessary.

The normandy crew left a few days ago, and Tali left with them. Xen reassured the young woman that she was going to be okay, and that she would keep her updated on Rina's condition. It appeared that Tali and Rina had known each other for a long time, Xen didn't know anything about it until Tali had finally told her. The girls have known each other since they were kids, although they didn't start becoming friends until Rina had finished her pilgrimage. Apparently, Rina had been a loner back then and none of the children wanted to be friends with and or go near her, especially after her mother left her. Instead of feeling pity, they all assumed that it was her fault and that there was something wrong with her. Tali expressed her feelings of guilt about Rina's poor treatment in the past, and Xen only felt worse. Here she was treating Rina the same way that everyone else did in the beginning, if only she had known.

How long had it been since the admiral had a full night of rest? Two maybe, three weeks ago? The past four nights have been extremely difficult and Xen was seeing Rina every single time she closed her eyes. That cursed woman has been haunting her dreams since the night she went into a coma, and Xen believed that she was beginning to fall into a deep depression. The only difference was that instead of sleeping too much, she wasn't sleeping at all and she was beginning to experience hallucinations. All of them included Rina, she was beginning to hear her voice and she was also seeing her silhouette on the corner of her eye whenever she was alone. Hell, there were times when Xen would replay the voice audio just so she wouldn't forget the sound of her voice. That voice alone used to bring chills down her spine, but now all it did was stab at her heart. This was a terrible way to grieve, but Xen didn't know how to mourn over another person. She never had these feelings until now, and she was only doing what she believed would help, but it didn't.

Just like every other night, Xen couldn't bring herself to sleep. She decided to sit outside and stargaze since she didn't have that privledge before, at least not with actual air. This planet was absolutely incredible, and as much as Xen wanted to dissect all of the syntheics around her, she knew that they would have not gotten this far without them. Without the geth, the Quarians would still be struggling with this new enviroment and they wouldn't have made it past the first step. They would all probably have died from infection by now without the medicine that the geth were conducting for them, it is supposed to strengthen their immune systems so that they will be able to live without the suits sooner rather than later. At least, she can enjoy this now as best as she can.

There is a chance that Rina could be one of those stars by now. Xen removed her helmet to get a better look at the black night sky and she let her fingers run through her hair to fix the mess from her helmet. It pained her to think that Rina could join the stars with any second that passed, but she was starting to accept the idea. Xen couldn't save her, she couldn't stop Rina from joining Shepard on the mission, she failed her in so many ways. They achieved their overall goal, Rina played a big part in their success and Xen believed that her love will be smiling down on them if she is not meant to wake up. _I want..you to be happy, my love. I don't want you to be in pain anymore. I hope you find peace in the homeworld skies. Keelah'Selai._

There was a large wave of relieve that crashed over the admiral once she finally accepted the fact that her lover would never wake up. It has been five weeks now, and Rina has not so much as stirred in her deep sleep since the day she went under. The other admirals wanted to pull the plug, and Xen refused to let them. If anyone dared to so much as make a move towards Rina's life support system, Xen was going to break their hands. While she was away, she instructed one of the Geth primes to keep an eye out for her love in case any of those bastards got any funny ideas. After four long weeks, Xen was figuring that it was finally time to release Rina and give her the peace that she deserves. It was going to shatter the admiral all over again, but she realized over this past week how selfish she had been. Rael'Zorah was the prime example of what happens when a Quarian loses their loved one, and he pratically destroyed himself after his wife passed. Xen was terrified to do that to herself, but it killed her to see Rina in the shape that she was in. She was bound to a machine in order to stay alive, and that was no way to live. This was going to be her final farewell, but there was one last thing that Xen needed to do.

Xen returned to her old lab that was nearly empty. All of her important objects were taken by the geth in order to start building the homes. There was a lone omni-pad on her desk, and she went straight to it. After hearing Rina's beautiful story, Xen felt like she owed the young girl her story in return.

 _During the long years I have been a part of this crew, I never had anyone. I never knew what it felt like to care about someone before until a certain idiot stepped foot into my life. Rina was someone who frustrated me greatly, always showing up late or not at all. She was a brilliant technician with a youthful spirit and a certain enthusiasm that I have never seen. She was incredible in many different ways, but she was lonely too. She always smiled, always laughed, and always cared more for others than she did herself. She made me this mess I am today. They always say that there is that one person in your life who will inspire you. That's what she was for me..she didn't make me a different person..she made me realize that I could be one. Without her..I..!_

Xen wasn't expecting this breakdown to happen so quickly as she spoke the words outloud. She was hoping that she could get these stupid feelings out before the tears came, but there was no luck. She couldn't bring herself to finish and instead she found herself with her head craddled in her arms as she sobbed. She didn't think that a goodbye could be so hard, she honestly thought that she could get this over with and move on. There was no such luck.

"Creator Moreh." The woman stopped the sobs almost immediately and slowly sat up to face the geth prime, not even caring to hide her tears anymore. "Creator Sokor is showing signs of movement. My diagnostics tell me that she is dreaming."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Hey there! Glad to be back with this new chapter! I do apologize for it being a short one, but the next chapter is going to be out within the next few days. Thank you guys for your wonderful support again, I really appreciate it. I do hope that you will continue to follow and support this story~**

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 _Creator Rokor is showing signs of movement. She's alive._

Xen couldn't remember the last time she rushed out of her office for the sake of someone else. She couldn't believe that Rina was actually still alive after her severe injuries! Xen would never dare believe in miracles or any silly 'divine intervention', but this was one of those moments where she would reconsider those judgements. However, now was certainly not the time since she had to make sure she was the first thing that her lover sees when she first wakes up.

The admiral took the seat that was next to Rina's bed and she took on of Rina's hands into both of hers as she watched her closely. At first, Xen didn't didn't want to bring herself to believe the words that the Geth prime had spoken. She was so certain that Rina was gone for good only for her to be wrong in the end. She was very glad that she was wrong once again, she wanted nothing more than for the foolish girl to open her eyes. She was actually hoping that it would be sooner rather than later.

"Jayce.." There was a small whisper from the bedridden that caught Xen's attention and she could feel the smaller hand shift inside of both of hers. Rina was still alive, and it was evident that she was finally starting to come to.

 _Rina, please wake up._ Xen could feel the warm water swelling in her eyes from anticipation as Rina began to stir in her slumber. The admiral was getting very anxious with every move that her lover made, and there was a second where she actually considered slapping her awake. _It may work, but she'll be put back in a coma if I did that_. The thought earned a soft chuckle from the cold woman, something that had never happened before. There was that change of heart that Rina had created within her, it wasn't too late, after all.

During the passed hour Xen was sitting in waiting, Rina's movement went from once every ten minutes to every ten seconds. Before Xen knew it, Rina's eyes were blinking open and her eyes were just as bright as they had been before. "Oh keelah.." Xen finally broke down into soft sobs as she nuzzled her face into Rina's hand that was still clenched tightly in between hers.

Rina seemed to be confused by her own surroundings as she looked around the room. "Wha-?" Her mind didn't seem to register until she felt her hand touching something and she turned over to see Xen crying into her arm. "Ma'am? What happened? Why are you crying?" she questioned weakly as she channeled her leftover strength to her fingers to wipe some of the tears away.

Just like before, the admiral's body tensed up from the sweet but gentle gesture until she finally relaxed into it. "It's a long story, Rina. I would prefer to tell you elsewhere, if we could?"

Rina only frowned in response as she tried her best to sit up only for her upper body to fall back into place. "You've been out for a few weeks, I'll support your weight." Xen offered standing up from the chair to help the younger woman out of the bed.

There was so much that Xen wanted to tell Rina in the weeks that she had been in her coma, but she would have to wait until the young quarian was in better condition. The geth prime was still within hearing distance and he had offered to assisst them to Xen's living quarters for the time being. The doctor will be informed in the morning, but right now, all Xen cared about was taking care of her love.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Here is the next chapter as promised! I'm happy that I was able to get this one out so soon with the busy season coming! If I don't have the time to post before the holidays are over, I hope you guys have a wonderful and safe holiday! Thank you so much for the feedback and everything~ The next one will be out soon.**

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The news of Rina spread around the fleet like wildfire, and before Xen knew it, every single person who participated in the war paid them a visit to comfort the young woman. Many people were emotional and thankful for Rina's bravery, they were very emotional during their visits and had all embraced her. The part that bothered Xen the most was that Rina's face was fully exposed at this time; her lips remained pursed together in a tight straight line throughout the whole ordeal when people came to visit her. She was very clearly upset about something, Xen didn't think of what it could be but she was definitely going to get to the bottom of it.

During all of the awkward visits, the one person who recieved the worst reaction out of them all was Zorris. The first thing he tried to do was embrace his former girlfriend - this wasn't the worst thing that he tried to do, it was when he inched his face lower to try to press his bare lips against Rina's forehead. That was something that made Xen extremely mad, and she was very quick to get between them. "Excuse me." The admiral was quick to cut in between the two and she forced herself between them. "Are you done?" she questioned standing in front of Rina in a protective manner and crossed her arms over her chest.

The expression that fell over Zorris' unmasked face was a baffled one as he stared the admiral down. Xen was aware that this wasn't fair, and that she didn't have any right to react this way. Rina is the one who neglected the idea to break up with him properly before she went to rescue the admiral, she should have done it first thing. "I'm kissing _my_ girlfriend. What did I do wrong, admiral?" It was just the way that the weapon technician expert accentuated the word 'my' that made Xen ready to tear him to pieces.

"Zorris." Rina finally spoke up when she could feel the tension stirr up in the room and looked over to her ex-boyfriend with big pleading eyes. "So much has happened over these past few months..things are different now." she explained softly staying behind the admiral who didn't bother to look back at her. Xen was the only barrier that was shielding Rina from Zorris and whatever temper that was no doubt going to unfold very quickly.

Zorris didn't take his eyes off from Xen one time as Rina spoke, he must have known the message that she was trying to convey. Xen could see it in the way that his bright eyes softened up with hurt, and in a way it made her feel bad. This is why she wanted Rina to break it off with him immediately, as much as she didn't like Zorris, she didn't agree with this course of action. He was very heartbroken and Xen wanted to start over in a new, clean chapter. Rina was going to have to fix this right away. "Rina, you need to talk to him. Now." she demanded in a soft tone as she finally turned her head to look at her lover.

Rina's eyes began to tear up as she nodded her head slowly and stepped from behind the admiral to motion for Zorris to follow her. Xen really didn't like the idea of those two going alone to talk, and she was very worried for Rina's safety so she decided that she should eavsdrop to make sure that everything was okay. _I'm...not doing anything wrong...just wanna make sure that he isn't going to do something he shouldn't._ Luckily, the two stepped out of the doctor office to finish their discussion and all the admiral had to do was stand on the otherside of the cracked door to listen in.

 **"Are you two together? I thought you loved me? Was that not the case?"**

 **"I did, Zorris. You were so wonderful to me, and I was lucky to have you. It's just that there were certain things about myself that I didn't realize when we first got together."**

 **"You didn't answer my question, are you two together?"** That was the only thing about this cringe-worthy break-up that Xen wanted the answer to.

" **Yes, we are."** Rina finally gave him the answer that Xen has been wondering herself, and she could feel the warm feeling of satisfation flowing through her. It just sucked that Zorris had to find out about them that way.

 **"Was the difference of gender an issue? It isn't because I'm a guy that you would feel this way, right?"**

 **"Not at all. The gender difference didn't play any part in it. I liked you the way you are, it's just you know when you meet that one person for you. I met her so many years ago, and I didn't have the slightest clue until it finally hit me one day."**

More things were said, but Xen honestly didn't care about them. She figured that she has heard everything that she needed to from the conversation, and when it was finally over, Rina joined her in the room once more. It appeared from one look at her that she was close to breaking down, but she was trying her best to keep her composure. "It's done, Xen. He said he needed some time..I couldn't tell if he was really mad at me or not." She was devestated that she broke someone else's heart for a change, she didn't like it.

"There's a space I found on this planet that I have grown quite fond of over these past few weeks." Xen was referring to the special area she would visit during the cold nights where she would be unable to fall back asleep after waking up from those dreams about Rina. "come join me." she offered taking Rina's hand and she led her to her favorite area.

It was mid-evening on Rannoch. The sun was beginning to disappear under the horizon making the yellow and pink sunset that Xen has grown to love over their past few weeks here. When Rina was in a coma, she would watch the sunset wishing that Rina was there to enjoy it with her. They finally had this chance to do it now, before the final push for Earth. Xen needed all of this free time to spend with her loved one before they were forced back into a war once again.

The special place was a secluded cliff that would overlook the migrant fleet and the geth. Xen found something more peaceful than the machines that she had grown up with; it was a foolish hobby that Xen would call 'people watching' and she found it quite amusing from time to time. Her favorite ones to watch were Korris and Garrel bickering over the Geth primes, and what they should focus on. Garrel insists that they should focus on building homes wheras Korris believes that they should focus on gardening and their basic needs first. Both were right, and they should learn how to compromise. Korris wouldn't have any problem with it, but Garrel was far too stubborn to listen to reason. That old bastard.

Xen took her seat on the sandy ground and Rina found her own personal bed in the admiral's lap. This brought a smile to the older woman's face as Rina rested her back inbetween her legs as she laid down. "What a beautiful view! I never thought I'd see the sun." Rina spoke softly as she smiled up at the admiral. "It definitely looks a lot better than it did in space." she teased with a small laugh.

"It does. It's a lot better now that your here." Xen whispered softly as she placed her hand softly down on the young girl's cheek to let her fingers caress over it. "don't you ever leave me like that again, you hear? No more foolishness from you, you don't need to die over this war, you need to be here with me. I want you to live, you need to stay alive and be with me from now on." Xen spoke to her lover in a soft but firm tone. She wasn't going to let Rina throw herself into harms way again.

Silence took over after Xen's heartfelt confession, and she probably would have snapped had she not spotted the soft contemplation that fell over Rina's face. She wanted to say something, Xen could see it clear as day, but instead she only smiled and agreed. "I promise." she whispered with a smile as she nuzzled playfully into the admiral's hand.

 _ **"What is it that the admiral has that I don't, aside from the obvious?"**_

 _ **"She is the closest thing to a home that I've had in a long time. There is no where else I'd rather be."**_


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Here is the latest chapter! I do apologize for the wait, I have been super busy but I hope that all of you had an amazing new year. I do plan on writing more chapters as soon as I can. Thank you all for your support.**

A few days have passed since Rina's full recovery, and Xen made sure that they had spent every single waking moment together. The clock was beginning to tick, there was only so much time left before the final battle and the admiral didn't want these peaceful days to end. Every waking moment with the woman she loved made Xen's life worth living for - she wouldn't have felt that way before, but things were different now. Rina was her everything, and she was never going to let that change.

After a long day of tending to the new gardens with the geth primes, Xen found herself sitting underneath one of the new shelters that had been built in order to protect their delicate skin from the sun. Fortunately, the weather wasn't anything compared to Haestrom - it was something that was very easy to adapt to. The only reason for the shelters was to ease the harsh sun rays to prevent any suburns that could likely cause an infection. The enviroment was starting to get better, and everyone was able to take off their enviro-suits if they had wished to. Xen wasn't comfortable enough to take off the entire suit yet, she was going to have to slowly adapt one step at a time.

The only thing that could snag Xen's attention from her dextro-brandy was the sound of obnoxious laughter, and she could only roll her eyes. She turned her head to see a suitless Rina playing with the suited children - it was something that she had grown accomstumed to ever since the day that her love had woke up from the coma. Rina loved little kids in general, and that was something that Xen was trying to fathom since she had in fact felt very differently. They were tiny little sniveling brats, and she didn't bother paying any attention to him. "Make sure none of them trip over any rocks!" she heard Rann lecture her girlfriend from one of the structured buldings from above.

Originally starting off as a planet with only rocks, water, and sand - Rannoch was slowly transforming into a world of beauty once again. All the large clusters of dirt that were orginally eyesores were becoming large green gardens with dextro fruit and veggies. It was strange that they eventually would be able to eat real food and they could get rid of that nutrient paste that they all had to use for their primary food source. Xen was excited to try the tomatos and squash, but she wasn't going to advertise it because she didn't want the others to think she was going soft. She still wanted to give off the impression that she wouldn't be afraid to give someone hell if they truly needed it. She was one of the symbols of authority, and she still needed to act the part.

After Rina had finished playing with little Jona, she happily joined Xen at the shelter that was over looking the beach. "Don't mind if I do!"[/b] Rina teased cutely, as she stole the bottle of dextro brandy from Xen and poured herself a glass. It didn't matter how hard Xen had glared at her at that very moment, Rina only used her delicate facial expressions to form a cute pout and Xen could only glare down at the table.

Xen couldn't deny that her lover was a natural beauty with her rare bright red locks that complimented her ashen skin. The black markings on her skin only added to the beauty and made her flawless skin resemble marble. It was the same thing for Quarians to have ashen skin and black vein markings, but not red hair. The little quarian had the faintest of freckles that could be seen upon closer expection, Xen had spotted them the very first moment they had kissed and she thought that they were very pleasant to look at. Even [i]adorable[/i], which was a word that didn't even co-exist in her vocabulary. If the Xen from the past could forsee the future, she would not recognize herself and she was beginning to think that that was for the best. Rina being around her has made her see everything in a new light, she was experiencing many thoughts and feelings she never thought she could feel and she was feeling thankful deep down.

"Continue pouting like that and your face will get stuck like that." Xen muttered bitterly, as she stared down on the wooded picnic table that they were sitting on. Rina has the admiral wrapped around her finger, and she knew this not matter how aloof Xen tried to be. She would get sucked in every time with just the smallest touch or puppy pout, and she hated it. "So are you finished being foolish with the rest of those little heathens?" Xen questioned referring to the little kids.

Rina took a long drink from her brandy and laughed at the woman's harsh words. "Say what you will, but I love kids. They are the purest of life, they haven't been corrupted by the harsh world yet." she explained with a small sad smile. Xen must have struck a nerve without even realizing it, and made her realize that she doesn't know Rina that well. Aside from being obsessed with humans and fireworks, Xen doesn't know anything about her as a person and she would need to know as much as she could to avoid upsetting Rina in the future.

After taking a few seconds to build up her courage through drinking more brandy, Xen finally asked the one question that needed an answer. "I've known you for a long time, and I barely know anything about you. I've heard rumors but I need to hear everything from you; what really happened to you back then?" she asked. Xen has heard many rumors from Rina's birth being an omen to her being a cursed child. It was very uncommon for Quarian children to lose both of vtheir parents if it didn't involve death by sickness or death of something else. It was a very different thing for a child to be abadoned by not one but both.

The change of topic was one that had thrown Rina off entirely, and Xen could see it in the way that the redhead was nervously shifting around in her chair that she wasn't expecting it. It was evident from the way her eyes fell to her glass that she was preparing for an answer. "You mean..what happened to my parents? Is that what you mean?" There were no tears and Xen could feel a small crack in her voice that made it sound like she was on the verge of tears.

Xen at this point realized that she had re-opened an old wound that Rina had sown shut for a reason, but she wanted to hear the story. "I do not have any intention to upset you or hurt you, but I need to know why you were treated so badly. Everyone said that there was something wrong with you, and I need to know why." she explained softly, hoping that Rina would be okay.

It took Rina a few more seconds to process everything before she finally took a swig from the drink in her cup. "Okay. I'll tell you everything..just please promise not to think of me differently, okay?" she begged softly as she stared at Xen and Xen only nodded her head as she tried to keep her eyes dry. She needed to hear it, she needed to know everything.

* * *

 **To Be Continued**


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